Archive for June, 2009

War on Trash: Day 9

Posted on June 30th, 2009 1 Comment

out-of-serviceAlthough some comrades have fallen, Pride has managed to make things a little more colourful again. Maybe that’s because perspectives are changing; things don’t seem that black and white anymore.

Take the detention camp down the street; I pass that pile of trash bags regularly to watch their behaviour in daily life and I have to be honest, they don’t seem that aggressive.

Actually, they seem downright lethargic. Engaged in a game of pickup, most of them just flop over each other like dirty hippies:


No wonder they’re so out of shape!

As the War gets more complex and information becomes muddled, I’m starting to wonder how much of a threat they really are. Maybe they’re just puppets of the 416/79 light infantry. Mushy, stinky puppets.

I wonder if they feel loss the same way we do, if they express their grief and sorrow just like us:

(yup, more Pride stuff)grief



Where was I going with this again? Oh yeah; grief and sorrow just like us. I wonder if they love and hate like we do, raise children, grow old, have to keep putting up with incessant TV shoots in their neighbourhoods:


I’ll admit it; I’m confused.

Who’s Being Erica, and why is she in the middle of my War reportage? Maybe after the War correspondence desk gets some shut eye will it make more sense. Maybe after some sleep will the War correspondence desk will stop referring to himself as a desk in the third person.

Filed under: B Sides, Pictures

War on Trash: Day 8 (with rainbows)

Posted on June 29th, 2009 3 Comments

They marched in solidarity; all marched in peace; many marched with stately grace; some marched with erections.

Pride two-oh-nine. Despite the overcast, it was a blast. People of all sorts showed up, from the surprisingly foreign to the surprisingly naked:


Wow! Bet you didn’t expect that with your Sunday croissant! But it wasn’t all fun and free-swingin’ frolic. General Miller scurried through the crowd seeking out insurgents and taking them out with his bare hands:


The man in the middle of the group conducting himself surreptitiously is Adam Vaughan. He’s not been too popular with the electorate lately; maybe that’s why he’s hanging out with my girl. Too bad being awesome doesn’t rub off as easily as body glitter.

I imagined the boisterous procession would be a wonderful morale booster and I think the crowd supported that idea. Everyone screamed as loudly as they could at every opportunity, trampling trash underfoot to demonstrate their spirit of solidarity and resoluteness. The throng was composed of every age, every colour, every race, every gender, and many in between:

olive-mee(this is Olive Mee)

As you may recall, I had eagerly anticipated the military portion of the parade. Keeping in mind that the two Canadian tanks we have are off fighting the War, I was pleasantly surprised to see almost the entire remaining fighting force winding its way down Yonge street:


As the parade wound down and out onto Gerrard (yeah, it’s that kind of street), the crowd dispersed in every direction creating that hilarious people-wedged-in-the-doorway moment. On a much bigger scale. It wasn’t funny being part of it though. The trash underfoot was making all sorts of ridiculous noises and everybody wanted to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to make a phone call. The only people to escape the crush were the people hanging off the sides of buildings:


How’s that for not liking trash? They don’t even want to be on the same level as it!

True patriots.

At the end of the day I was filled with renewed pride (so that’s why they call it that!), renewed hope, and renewed vision. And the streets are neater today than they were yesterday! Well done. Well done.


I even got a little naked.

Filed under: B Sides, Pictures

War on Trash: Day 5

Posted on June 26th, 2009 2 Comments

The pictorial War on Trash was eclipsed today by other news: the death of Michael Jackson. Details on his death are still somewhat sketchy but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he was smothered by an imploded face.

Unfortunately, the news machine has managed to omit some of the truly important details while focusing on the less relevant.

For example, Michael Levine (Jackson’s former manager), is quoted as saying, “It seemed to me that his internal essence was at war with the norms of the world.” Uh-huh. If by “internal essence” he meant penis, and by “norms of the world” he meant adults. The explanations for Michael’s behaviour were as clunky as that analogy. I grew up with his music just like all the other teary-eyed mourners out there, but he’s still a kiddy diddler. That kinda spoils it for me.

Come to think of it, we’ve really been under-served by our the media during this conflict. The strike survival guides that have been prepared for civilians leave a lot to be desired. Here are some samples citing how to deal with trash:

Hold onto it

There are no words to express how disappointed I am that this should be suggestion number one on this list. My imagination actually hurts now.

In the CFRB version (which links to a dry, generic Blogger blog), we find this incriminating gem hidden at the bottom:

Get out of town

I believe that’s called DEFECTION DURING WARTIME! … and is considered high treason.


And that was all I could find. Pretty sad, huh?

Here’s some advice from my close and personal friend, Generalissimo Pragmatico:

  1. Sauces flush.
  2. It’s not your garbage if it’s your neighbour’s.
  3. Raccoons’ll eat anything. (but away from your place –- shifty fuckers learn fast)
  4. Most perishables can eventually be puréed. See 1.

We won’t win this war if General Miller’s propaganda office isn’t making an effort. It’s a war of image as much as it is a war of trash; filthy, dirty trash [spit disgustedly].

We have to win.

Filed under: B Sides