It’s new been a little over a week that a number of bullets hit the US embassy here in Toronto. Although the exact number of reported shots fired ranges anywhere from two to “multiple”, it’s reported that “roughly 10 shell casings” were found outside the building (so probably closer to “multiple”). Apparently the weapon used was a handgun.

According to a Toronto Police Service news release, two people drove up to the front doors of the embassy on University Avenue at 4:29 in the morning of the 10th in a white Honda CR-V, one or both of them got out, blasted the building (cops state that both individuals were involved in the “discharge of the gun”), jumped back in, and drove off toward Queen West.

A couple of days later, @TPSOperations posted that the vehicle used had been stolen but recovered somewhere in Toronto “within hours” of the shooting.

This isn’t exactly the norm for Toronto but within this odd event are nestled some even odder details.

First, it’s reported that embassy staff didn’t contact the police until an hour after the shooting. Although there’s no explanation of why they waited so long, the media consensus (as primed by the cops), seems to be that because the embassy is heavily fortified, the people working in the building probably didn’t even notice anything amiss.

What’s odd about this claim is that the building is indeed heavily fortified and surveilled (the image near the top is from one of numerous embassy cameras). Based on the embassy’s amount of obvious and public-facing surveillance equipment, not to mention being chock-full of spies, I find it difficult to believe that not a single person, security or otherwise, noticed anything amiss for an hour.

Second, according to a CTV report the incident was reported to an officer that “was flagged down in the area”. Yeah, someone (presumably) from the embassy literally went outside to look for a cop on the street to report the shooting instead of picking up a phone or walking to the nearest police station (52 Division), which would’ve taken about 5 minutes.

Third, in the same report it was stated that, “witness evidence shows that a white Honda CRV was spotted heading west on Dundas Street before turning onto University Avenue and stopping in front of the U.S. Consulate”. That’s a distance of about 190 meters (623 feet). You can see how far this is by taking a trip down University from Dundas in Google Street View:

With good eyesight it wouldn’t be impossible to spot the vehicle from Dundas but it would require standing in the middle of the southbound lanes, perhaps in the crosswalk, as the lines of sight on both sides of University are obstructed. The other possibility is that the SUV was followed by the “witness” in a vehicle but this begs the question of why anyone would’ve remembered a car pulling over for a few minutes — and nothing else.

For context, the shooting happened at around 4:30 a.m. and it was reported on by the media at around 6:30 a.m. at the earliest. Global News had already included this “witness” information in an article just before 8 a.m. yet a press conference held by the police, in which they asked for witnesses to come forward, didn’t happen until 10:30 a.m.

Going by this timeline, the “witness” saw the white SUV drive west on Dundas, turn south on University, then stop in front of the embassy. For some reason the “witness” remembered this commonplace detail but ostensibly didn’t see or hear any shots fired since the cops didn’t receive any report until an hour after it happened, and then only because embassy staffed ventured out into the street to flag down a passing cop.

Standing in front of the embassy, it would’ve been equally difficult to spot the vehicle turning south from Dundas. And was this “witness” just hanging out for the hour before police showed up? The whole thing strains credulity.

Unfortunately, this event has been designated a “national security” issue which means that we may never know the full story. Still, with all of these intriguing little details I’m eager for a follow-up. Rest assured that if/when there are any updates they’ll be promptly posted here.

It was a good, proper fall day today. Rainy, cold, dark and introspective. I’m all for days like this being declared municipal emergencies; everyone stay at home in your nice warm beds until the situation is alleviated! By order of the Mayor’s office!

I will do my duty, sir! Covers at regulation height!

Unfortunately, that never happens. The closest I came was pulling the somewhat ineffectual hood of my anorak over my head as it started to rain. As the excessive flap of the coat blocked most of my vision (either that or walk like a fully extended parachute in the wind), I found myself travelling in a very trance-like state. I could only see maybe one and a half meters in front of me, so I had to assume a certain attitude of resolution. Yes, a knife-wielding maniac may come screaming from an alley, and at that visual distance, I’m fairly certain I’d be dead. I had to resolve to be okay with that.

So I started to think about that vocation thing again. What, you didn’t think I came up with that just to fill up a post, did you? This is real angst! Jeez!

Okay, angsty; something I’d like to get resolved. So I must’ve had that in my sensory deprivation cloak with me on my walk home because suddenly I snapped out of my trance — something told me to look up, and what I saw looked awfully familiar:

Of course! I’ll become a thief!

No, not a common thief; I don’t want to abscond with bananas and gum; an international diamond thief  (I guess I could steal other expensive stuff too). A sophisticated gentleman cat burglar in the style of Cary Grant in “To Catch a Thief”, or  George Clooney in “Ocean’s Eleven”. Well, George Clooney in a few roles, but that one was especially well-suited. Flashy and always well-rested. *two thumbs up*

Oh, you’re probably wondering how I went from a Chinatown supermarket to becoming a thief. Sorry, let me take you back a little earlier in the day.

Over lunch, I read a Star story about a certain Mister David Chen, owner and proprietor of one ultra-ironic Lucky Moose Food Mart (pictured above; “lucky” moose on second floor). He’s being brought up on charges of kidnapping and forcible confinement because he tried to foil another robbery at his store.

The undisputed story goes that the thief was well-known and had stolen stuff from there (and nearby stores), numerous times. So, I guess Mister Chen wasn’t going to stand for it any more and when the thief dropped in to borrow a few other items, Mr. Chen and two buddies chased him down in a van, tossed him in the back, tied him up, and beat the snot out of him. Police found him tied up in some dank corner of Chinatown.

Well, yeah, that kind of is kidnapping. But somewhat understandable, I think. Mister Chen claims (and others corroborate this), that he had requested some sort of assistance from the police, but none was given. The thief was allowed to continue running around stealing stuff even though with his record, he probably shouldn’t have been out of a cell. Or at least some sort of supervised and controlled environment.

Another thing that I think Mister Chen is allowed to have a chafed butt over is the fact that his store is so close to 52 Division. Five minutes by foot, is my estimation.

But I’m not sure if I’d resort to grabbing someone off a street and mashing them up for stealing a few plants. Plus, it’s just so unimaginative. So generally speaking, I can see where the kidnapping and forcible confinement charges come from.

But what hit me over the head in today’s article was the fact the court made a bargain with the thief to testify against the store owner!

Yes – freakin’ – way.

The little scumbag got 30 days instead of 90 (and is apparently right back up to his old tricks), and in a complete reversal of roles, the store owner is now facing some serious charges. He could be put away with the thief’s help!

My idea doesn’t seem so crazy now, does it? As a thief, I could help put away the bad guys I steal from by testifying against them. I’ll hire interns for the beatings. And if I don’t get caught, I get to keep the loot!

Flawless.

I’m even thinking of leaving behind personalized, scented business cards of some sort, bearing a message of regret for their loss, but at least they lost it to the best; or something to that effect.

I’m gonna need a little work. I don’t even know how to properly pick a lock yet! I guess it’s hardcore training from here on in.

But don’t worry, dear reader. I’m keeping TCL in the back pocket. Hey, who knows, maybe it’ll be my daytime cover story. That’d be pretty cool 8-) George Clooney cool.