I think that I may be having a mid-life crisis. May be.

The thing is, I’m not sure if it’s technically mid-life at thirty-five. Also, doesn’t that usually come during the marriage? And I have absolutely no wish to buy a flashy sports car, get hair plugs, or date younger women. Well, maybe that last part. But basically, I’m not exhibiting the standard signs of a crisis. Except maybe uncertainty about my job. No, my vocation; my calling.

This morning, waiting for the streetcar, I looked up at a window washer and seriously thought, “Could I do that?”

I think the main problem is that programming’s just not fun anymore. I’m not talking about sidebar widgets, but the everyday working-for-the-man kind of stuff. On a broader scale, I know that working for money always involves working-for-the-man.  The man has projects and ideas about how he wants those projects to act/look/feel/sound/touch/react/sparkle/etc. Sometimes, it’s hard to get enthusiastic about all those ideas. Sometimes they’re not really even ideas, just innuendo.

As I usually do in my darker moments, I found solace in the Toronto Archives. They revealed that my situation isn’t unique. That others have suffered as I have. That I am not alone:

Gah! That even looks like the office where I work!

Look at them, slaving away for that jerk back there, flipping through filthy mags and abusing himself. And back then, shackles came off only after the shift was finished, and the boss could fire you for anything!

… Continue Reading

Is it okay if I get a little personal today? Just this once?

I did resist for so long, but I finally feel like I need to mention … the day job.

Okay, I need to bitch.

Are you groaning already? See, that’s why I resisted. I know how you feel about people whining about their jobs, and I totally get it. I mean, there are plenty of people who would love a job, and there’s plenty else to blog about, right?

You couldn’t be more correct in agreeing with me. But  I figure TCL can accommodate everything Toronto-related for at least one post. And I work in Toronto, so it qualifies.

Besides, my intention is to make this as painless, boringless, and whiningless as humanly possible. No names, of course, and I don’t claim that any of this is true. But I think inspired would be a good way to put it. Very inspired.

The People

Manager: My immediate manager (plus a few other people’s, including the art team’s).

MANAGER: Manager’s immediate manager.

Art team: The people who produce the designs and artwork for the software.

IT: The people who manage all the computer hardware and software that we use.

The Words

Bug: Any problem with a piece of software. Could be as small as the wrong colour on a button, or as big as your computer bursting into flames.

Bug ticket: GODDAM COCKSUCKING MOTHER OF A WHORE!! (A notification, usually by email, that the testers found a bug in the software we’ve written).

Code: The instructions (written by us) that make up the brains of the software. If we’re feeling fancy, we call it “source code”. But code sounds cooler.

Build: When all the code, art, etc. get collected and mushed together to produce the final software product.

Specification: A long and boring document that describes, in detail, what the software should do, how it should do it, how it should look while it’s doing it, and so on. At least, that’s what we hope for.

Server: A computer that sits on a network and “serves” data to any other computers that request it. That data could be a web page, Twitter feed, or hardcore pornography. Computers are awesome!

To: MANAGER@employer.com
From: patrick@employer.com
Subject: Requested time allotment report for Tuesday
Sent: Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Time Allotment

10:00 – 10:30: Searching for Manager to discuss bug. After questioning, art team revealed that he is home sick today.

10:30 – 10:45: Had to do some research to retrieve Manager’s unlisted telephone number. The one he recorded for our records is our own office number (we should probably update that).

10:45 – 11:00: Telephone call with Manager to discuss bug. Manager maintained that it was “impossible” for it to be his code so I re-assigned bug ticket to myself for investigation.

11:00 – 13:00: Ran verifications and concluded that the bug must be addressed in Manager’s code.

13:30 – 13:35: Telephone call with Manager who confirmed that, “of course”, the bug was something he needed to fix.

13:35 – 13:40: Emailed response to build team’s complaint regarding errors in our builds. I reminded them that we can’t prepare our code for a build if they don’t tell us they want to do one. We have not as yet been able to develop psychic abilities.

13:49 – 14:00: Discussion with you regarding project X:
Project to be completed by this Friday or next Monday for release in the afternoon, same day. Art team will produce graphics on Thursday and  the specification will be ready by Friday morning. Testing to begin next Tuesday with a round of bug fixes scheduled for next Wednesday. Scheduling discrepancies will be dealt with later. This is to be exclusively top-priority until finished.

14:00 – 14:30: Your team meeting request to discuss why the schedule wasn’t being met. Team agreed that closer attention needed to be paid to scheduling.

14:30 – 14:45: At your request, sat with your assistant to update the schedule with accurate dates and times for current projects.

14:45 – 14:50: Emailed IT explaining why I needed a license for the Adobe Flash development software (specified that I am an Adobe Flash developer). The software lock currently in place on my copy of the expired software is preventing me from effectively doing my job.

14:50 – 14:55: Emailed IT again explaining why my current software was, as yet, unlicensed. I included copies of the six unfulfilled software requisition forms I submitted during my first six months of employment.

14:55 – 15:00: Discussed with you why I required a software license for the Adobe Flash software.

16:00 – 16:05: Larry asked, on your behalf, for a detailed estimate on development time for project X.

16:05 – 16:10: Wong asked, on your behalf, for a detailed estimate on development time for project X.

16:10 – 16:15: Vergil asked, on your behalf, for a detailed estimate on development time for project X.

16:15 – 16:20: You requested an estimate on development time for project X.

16:20 – 16:50: Took lunch.

16:50 – 17:00: Worked on project X.

17:00 – 17:10: Meeting to re-assign priorities. I should now focus all my efforts on project Y.

17:10 – 17:15: Vergil asked, on your behalf, for a detailed status report on the progress of project X.

17:15 – 17:20: Emailed IT to request more disk space on our only development server. Explained that it was the only way to test our software. Request was denied, but I would like to point out that I am willing to purchase an 8 Gigabyte memory stick ($20), out of pocket, to effectively quadruple our storage capacity. Please advise.

17:20 – 17:40: Deleted and compressed data on the development server to clear up some space.

17:40 – 17:50: Sat with your assistant to re-input the schedule from this morning. I’d like to suggest that only one person be responsible for updating the schedule to preventing this type of data loss in the future.

17:50 – 18:00: Produced this time allotment report to identify some of the inefficiencies in our system.

Thanks for humouring me. I feel … lighter.

Should I find myself suddenly unemployed for some reason, I’ll even be able to reveal how much of that is actual, unembellished truth. The number shocks even me.

And as a special favour to you, I will abstain from boring you to tears again for at least a week.

A few days ago I received a heartwarming email correspondence from a guy I’d never heard of. It brought unintentionally good tidings regarding employment in Toronto (at least in my field of work), as well as reaffirming my disdain for that barnacle of the professional world, the head hunter.

First the employment.

I don’t want to paint an unnecessarily rosy picture; there are certain sectors out there that are getting beat up left right and center. These seem to be mostly in old, established manufacturing jobs with most of them tied to car makers. However, many emerging and newer fields are on a broad upswing. Consider the letter I mentioned above. What makes that email uplifting is that it’s for the job in which I’m currently employed; I know because I helped to write the job description. We could chalk this mistake up to ignorance (more on that later), but le’s say for a moment that this was for a job that I wasn’t already in; what does the email say about the job market in my field (Flash developer, if you didn’t bother)?

First of all, the employment agency went to the trouble of describing my employer as a “Medium Sized Trendy Company”. In a brief discussion about this, my fellow developer and I came to the conclusion that we most certainly are the heppest things since hep became a word.

Going to the bother of adding trendy words indicates that a little bit of extra oomph is needed to attract candidates, something to which I can definitely attest. We’ve been trying to fill this position for about a year now. There have been a lot of dismal, head-shake-inducing entries and unfortunately, those that have been good were poached by competitors.

I don’t think that this job situation requires any heavy analysis (like this helped any “experts” forecasting our current monetary troubles); it’s a simple matter of supply and demand. Most high-tech skills, especially really nerdy ones like programming have large gaps between what employers need and what they can get. Sure, the learning curve is pretty steep but I think that an intensive six month course in your technology of choice should be enough to get you in on the $60K/year gigs. More often than not, there will be good room for negotiation.

Most developers I know are aware of the current global economic fiasco by name only. If you’re looking for a job, Toronto is probably faring a bit better than most places, but it’s hurting just as bad in those areas where people are getting axed globally. Despite this, it seems to be smooth sailing for all the fields that are opening up either because of changes in technology, ageing of the population, or recognition of global problems like the environment. By new, I mean somewhere in the neighbourhood of five to six years. I’m considered senior for God’s sake!

Don’t poopoo jobs because they’re different. Work environments are bound to change; if you’re freelancing now you probably have a better idea of what the workplace of tomorrow will look like than the standard nine-to-five guy. Keep your mind open when looking for a new job; the opportunity may seem unlike anything you’ve ever tried, and that’s usually what makes it the one to go for. There is an element of uncertainty, but as a general risk-averting pussy, I can honestly say that it’s a lot smaller than you think (mostly just an excuse).

In closing, I wanted to just touch on head hunters in the employment maelstrom. You can do without them! After all, their modus operendi is to make money off of you in exchange for providing a job seeking service as well as backing you up when you’re on the clock.

At least, that’s the theory.

In my experience with about seven different agencies, most fucked off after my first day on the job. In most cases I had to hunt down my rep who, more often than not, would be generally unavailable because of “meetings”, and that didn’t go down well on payday when the cheque didn’t show up. For the forty-odd bucks they were charging on top of my hourly, you’d think they’d be able to actually do what they say they’d do. Besides this, I had better luck finding good jobs myself ; they exist and agencies usually don’t have exclusive dibs. My delicate feet never hit pavement either.

And do keep in mind the level of competence exemplified by some of these chuckleheads; like the one who sent me a job offer for my own job. I wonder if he has opposable thumbs.