I’m usually not a sucker for fireworks anyway, but when I went to see them last year at Ashbirdge’s Bay I accidentally stumbled on a spot that literally knocked my lid off. I mean, I’m sure they look great from the beach; the reason I know is because I heard the mighty cheers that arose from there with every new volley of thunder. I do not exaggerate when I say it sounded like a rock concert or a horde of vikings, and I was sitting entirely elsewhere.

But H-O-L-Y  F-U-C-K, pardon my Belgian – this is an experience not to be missed, and I’ve been in those crazy Asian fireworks festivals where they shoot fireworks at you. No one at walked away from the shore of Lake Ontario without beaming about the experience. From the spot I and a small group of people were at (someone complained that 20 years ago they were the only ones there), the explosions were just incredible. The thuds of each missile – oh, they’re missiles at that proximity – would actually knock me in the chest. I’d watch the flaming embers of some of the more intricate rockets fall to the shore and explode into balls of fire as they hit the rocks a mere 30 meters (about 100 feet) away. WOW!

By the way, if you’ve got problems with explosions, do not come. Oh my God, though, if you like this kinda stuff you hafta go next year! But I’m not giving away the location, you’ll have to R.S.V.P. me or something. (I like my cards scented.)

After each volley, when my hearing would return, I’d hear the crowd on the beach raised in a unison cheer – something I don’t remember last year. That told me they approved as I did.

And, I think, the fireworks probably had a lot to do with it. There was a lot of play with symmetry, sometimes creating the effect of 3D objects being cast into space.

Sometimes it felt a bit like a stage production. The timing on these things must’ve been amazing.

There were also other times where it became a bit of a free-for-all. They usually have these shows choreographed to music so that must be where the solo kicks in or something. My seating spot was no place for music though.

There were a couple of times when I almost burst out laughing. The guy behind me, startled by how close some of the explosions seemed,  repeated with increasing intensity, “no, no, NO, OH NO, NO NO NO!” When I spun my head around, he was in a state of readiness, prepared to leave his date, his coat, everything that wasn’t necessary, presumably for a dash to safety.

Okay, so I guess it’s not for the faint of heart. But seriously, if you want a true fireworks experience, you have to be prepared to actually get it! Ha!

So on top of this one overwhelming aspect of the fireworks at Ashbridge’s Bay, the overall length and variety of the presentation were also both much broader. Just a hands-down winner in the fireworks department as far as I’m concerned. There’s plenty of room to plunk your ass on the beach where people are putting on their own displays. I was a little shocked at how many people were on the boardwalk afterward, and that I had decided to trudge my bike through there. I guess it’s become quite a festival. But for good reason.

No, seriously. When was the last time I was this enthused about something? It’s a serious show. Feel free to flip through some of the archives of this blog to see some of the events I’ve attended. And this one blew my socks off. Almost literally.

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But I don’t wanna get down on old Vickie. For a dusty old monarch she and her kids have barely flexed their muscles in Canada, and if it wasn’t for her we’d all be at work today. Plus the old gal was kind enough to lend her name to the standard Canadian unit of beer, the two-fer (as in, “Happy May two-fer weekend!”), which also goes swimmingly with this time of year.

So thanks for the day off, Vics! We’ll be doing it up for you proper today, not like those crappy fireworks at Ontario Place last night (above).

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Maybe it was the journey there. Bo-o-o-ring.

Thank goodness for the tinted windows inside the car. It made the unsightly earth bulges a bit more bearable.

Maybe what did me in was the trip I took with a gentleman who I think has the capacity to create death rays or teleporters in his spare time, my brother-in-law’s brother. The brobro. Very interesting individual. It’s a rare treat that one gets to discuss the impending attack of zombies and how one might protect oneself from said attack. He has excellent theories, and because they’re so excellent, I’m not sharing.

I must also say that his idea for this year’s Halloween costume is probably one of the best ones I’ve heard of in years. He really thought outside the box on this one. Well, he’s ordering it online, but what a great find! I sure hope I get a few snaps of it but until the day it’s revealed, it’s another top-secret project.

Basically, it was a genuine pleasure to hike and chat with him.

When we could talk, that is. Nature saw to it that that sole pleasure was interrupted as often as possible.

The trail had some warmup rock climbing and then hours of trudging through the goddam forest:

The narrow footpath wasn’t always well-marked, so it was easy to wander into some ghetto hoods:

What is that, moss? Isn’t that a fungus? Gross.

Eventually we regained our bearings and continued on to some more tolerable places. But still freakin’ cold!

So even that sucked. I bet during the two weeks they get summer up there it’s quite nice. My dad’s biggest announcement during my visit was one of pride for his new motorized snow-blower; just to provide you with some perspective.

Can’t blame him. The few photos I took were between snow showers. And it’s only October!

The horror.

The point of the jaunty five-hour stroll through the countryside was to find an abandoned mine. We found it alright:

What a shithole:

Bunch of old machinery, from only God knows when. Rusting mine equipment. Dilapidated mini rail line. Reminded me of my horrible UrbEx days. Something I’d rather sooner forget.

And you’d think we’d at least see some wildlife along the way, wouldn’t you? See if you can spot it:

Nice, huh? And the little rat even sounded pissed off that we were there.

So by now you’re probably asking why I’m being so negative. Was it really that bad? Did donkey balls get the sucking of a lifetime? The simple answer is, it was easier to describe the place this way than to try to do it justice. Laziness, I believe is the word. Maybe it was the air up there.

But still, it’s good to be back :D

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“Albert! What on earth are you doing?”

“Birthday nosh, what?”

“Oh….Albert! Mmmmm….yes…right there…”

“That attachment…uhn…we had installed…unh…is proving…unh…quite effect…URK!”

“Heavens!”

“…”

“Oh, Albert. This is why you’ll never be king.”

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