So much so, in fact, that he’s going to make it an election issue — unions (that support a casino) are awesome!

Despite the fact that camera-wielding media now have to stand against the walls of City Hall to make way for His Rotundness to get around, Rob Ford managed to smack himself in the face with a TV camera as he was leaving some meeting or other yesterday while staring intently at the ground.

Ford immediately went into finger-pointing mode, exclaiming:

Ah fuck man. Holy Christ! Holy. Guys have some respect, you just hit me in the face with a camera.

By this we can only extrapolate that “respect”, to Ford, would mean no media at any time. No surprise there. Except, of course, that little thing called reality would respectfully disagree with what actually happened:

Doug Ford says he regrets hiring Karen Stintz for the TTC chair role:

… the biggest mistake we ever did was put her in the TTC.

We? You mean the royal ”we”, as in “we, the Most Gracious and Fecund Robert Bruce Ford, do thus proclaim!”? Maybe “we” as in Rob Ford ain’t runnin’ shit?

I don’t like the sound of either.

Option one, that’s just a living nightmare. Perish the thought.

Option two, that’s a hand up the ass, meaning there’s a not-so-secret shadow government trying to run things. The man with the brownest hand, at least to the public, is Rob’s own brother. Gross.

I mean, come on — you weren’t expecting Rob Ford to support something to do with biking, did you?

Okay, so now that we got that clarified, I hope it doesn’t come as a shock that Fordo vowed to kill a motion before City Hall to remove some (unused) parking spaces below City Hall and replace them with a locker to hold around 300-ish bikes.

To Rob, this just doesn’t make sense — spend $1.2 million to make an estimated $70,000 in locker fees? In a classic Fordian non sequitur, Ford blurted out, “I’m going to try to kill it at council, but that’s a complete waste of taxpayers’ money.”

Sure there’s waste at City Hall — there are two seats reserved with the name “Ford” that are complete wastes of space, for example — but the bike locker isn’t one of them.

For starters, the current parking spots to be occupied are mostly sitting idle. Of course, that doesn’t mean an additional cost, but it also doesn’t mean additional revenue. For the 12 phantom cars that are to be displaced, that would be about $3,600 per year (assuming $300 per vehicle). Even if those spots were paved over with gold and diamonds and rented out at $1,000 a pop, and the number of cars were doubled, that would still only amount to $24,000 a year.

But for the city to get that money, those spots would actually have to be reserved, so to call it lost revenue is just not correct.

To be sure, $1.2 million is an up-front cost that can’t just be ignored. If the $70K revenue stream is accurate, it’ll take just over 17 years to pay off. So in the short term, it definitely would not make economic sense.

However, this re-fit is part of the plan to re-do Nathan Phillips Square and has been for many years, so Fordo kinda missed the boat on that one (he’s been on City Council for a decade, conservatively*).

But, okay, that’s Ford right? He did, after all, come out and declare that he’s not exactly skilled at doing the whole “mayor” thing, so this shouldn’t come as a shocker to anyone.

But Ford’s numbers (still trusting him on that dubious $70K), do make sense if you require immediate payback on projects. Municipal government doesn’t always have to require that, and especially not on a relatively small $1.2 million. Even at two and a half times, as one must expect from government projects, that’s still a less-than-astronomical $3 million.

I’m willing to bet that that new stage being put up top side at the Square, not to mention all the extra stuff behind it, is worth at least a cool three mill, and what purpose do they serve?

Presumably to attract tourists and locals who might spend money. Those same tourists and locals that may arrive on bicycles (I’ve seen ‘em, even on those rented numbers!)

Seems like it’s not an economic issue that Rob Ford has, nor is it a political problem; for him, it’s ideological. He doesn’t like bikes, thinks cyclists are a pain in the ass, and still thinks that it’s possible to cram more cars onto the streets of Toronto as a solution to congestion.

I can see why he’d think that; he has the right of way on all streets (presumably because he’s mayor), and doesn’t really have to obey all of those lesser-known (and unenforceable!) laws — that’s for everyone else to do.

* I feel it’s fair to chip off a couple of years for vacancies, mental and otherwise.

Classic Ford hypocrisy — bellow about the entitlement of government employees, then secretly create a brand new, highly-paid City Hall position, ask a fellow football coach to fill it, and when asked to comment, tell the newspapers to go fuck themselves. Except the Sun, of course, because they report on what they’re told, they do it how they’re told to do it, and they don’t ask any questions (now that’s a newspaper!).

So what exactly qualifies Dave Price for the position? Go fuck yourself.

What does the position entail? Go fuck yourself.

How much will Mr. Price be making? Go fuck yourself.

How did Ford decide on Dave Price? “I don’t want to get into personnel matters”, Ford says.

In other words, I’m Rob Fucking Ford and I’m not accountable to anyone. Go fuck yourself.

Rob Ford’s failures are easy pickings; they’re numerous and obvious. But every once in awhile, he also registers a victory which would be incredibly disingenuous of me not to mention.

Like yesterday’s vote, for example.

That Council item, made a top “priority” by Rob Ford, centered around the food concessions in the currently-under-renovation Nathan Phillips Square. Up until recently, those consisted of chips, chocolate, and fizzy drinks offered while the skating rink had blades on it. The rest of the time, the place was shuttered and the only place to grab a bite was at one of the food trucks parked on Queen Street.

But yesterday, led by Ford, Council flipped on a previous decision to not allow a local food chain to move in, and essentially greenlighted Hero Burgers for the location.

I need to point out that I have nothing against Hero Burgers. After Big Smoke and Gourmet, Hero is easily my third choice for tasty burgers (within walking distance). So I don’t have any issues with another Hero location opening up in front of City Hall. But it is interesting to point out the context…

Rob Ford made fatty fast food a top priority and managed to shove it down the City’s throat in record time. His push for subways was, and continues to be, a dismal failure. His repeated “guarantees” to remove or reduce the Land Transfer Tax are a lesson in how not to get things done. His constant threats to sic “Ford Nation” on various politicians is more or less a joke. And so on.

But let’s give credit where it’s due: when it comes to accessibility to greasy foods, you can expect Rob’s full support, undivided attention, and unrelenting determination. Rob also works tirelessly in other areas, like helping homeless Torontonians with a few temporary beds – and by that I mean being the sole dissenting vote against the simple, humanitarian measure.