So much so, in fact, that he’s going to make it an election issue — unions (that support a casino) are awesome!

Despite the fact that camera-wielding media now have to stand against the walls of City Hall to make way for His Rotundness to get around, Rob Ford managed to smack himself in the face with a TV camera as he was leaving some meeting or other yesterday while staring intently at the ground.

Ford immediately went into finger-pointing mode, exclaiming:

Ah fuck man. Holy Christ! Holy. Guys have some respect, you just hit me in the face with a camera.

By this we can only extrapolate that “respect”, to Ford, would mean no media at any time. No surprise there. Except, of course, that little thing called reality would respectfully disagree with what actually happened:

Doug Ford says he regrets hiring Karen Stintz for the TTC chair role:

… the biggest mistake we ever did was put her in the TTC.

We? You mean the royal “we”, as in “we, the Most Gracious and Fecund Robert Bruce Ford, do thus proclaim!”? Maybe “we” as in Rob Ford ain’t runnin’ shit?

I don’t like the sound of either.

Option one, that’s just a living nightmare. Perish the thought.

Option two, that’s a hand up the ass, meaning there’s a not-so-secret shadow government trying to run things. The man with the brownest hand, at least to the public, is Rob’s own brother. Gross.

I mean, come on — you weren’t expecting Rob Ford to support something to do with biking, did you?

Okay, so now that we got that clarified, I hope it doesn’t come as a shock that Fordo vowed to kill a motion before City Hall to remove some (unused) parking spaces below City Hall and replace them with a locker to hold around 300-ish bikes.

To Rob, this just doesn’t make sense — spend $1.2 million to make an estimated $70,000 in locker fees? In a classic Fordian non sequitur, Ford blurted out, “I’m going to try to kill it at council, but that’s a complete waste of taxpayers’ money.”

Sure there’s waste at City Hall — there are two seats reserved with the name “Ford” that are complete wastes of space, for example — but the bike locker isn’t one of them.

For starters, the current parking spots to be occupied are mostly sitting idle. Of course, that doesn’t mean an additional cost, but it also doesn’t mean additional revenue. For the 12 phantom cars that are to be displaced, that would be about $3,600 per year (assuming $300 per vehicle). Even if those spots were paved over with gold and diamonds and rented out at $1,000 a pop, and the number of cars were doubled, that would still only amount to $24,000 a year.

But for the city to get that money, those spots would actually have to be reserved, so to call it lost revenue is just not correct.

To be sure, $1.2 million is an up-front cost that can’t just be ignored. If the $70K revenue stream is accurate, it’ll take just over 17 years to pay off. So in the short term, it definitely would not make economic sense.

However, this re-fit is part of the plan to re-do Nathan Phillips Square and has been for many years, so Fordo kinda missed the boat on that one (he’s been on City Council for a decade, conservatively*).

But, okay, that’s Ford right? He did, after all, come out and declare that he’s not exactly skilled at doing the whole “mayor” thing, so this shouldn’t come as a shocker to anyone.

But Ford’s numbers (still trusting him on that dubious $70K), do make sense if you require immediate payback on projects. Municipal government doesn’t always have to require that, and especially not on a relatively small $1.2 million. Even at two and a half times, as one must expect from government projects, that’s still a less-than-astronomical $3 million.

I’m willing to bet that that new stage being put up top side at the Square, not to mention all the extra stuff behind it, is worth at least a cool three mill, and what purpose do they serve?

Presumably to attract tourists and locals who might spend money. Those same tourists and locals that may arrive on bicycles (I’ve seen ’em, even on those rented numbers!)

Seems like it’s not an economic issue that Rob Ford has, nor is it a political problem; for him, it’s ideological. He doesn’t like bikes, thinks cyclists are a pain in the ass, and still thinks that it’s possible to cram more cars onto the streets of Toronto as a solution to congestion.

I can see why he’d think that; he has the right of way on all streets (presumably because he’s mayor), and doesn’t really have to obey all of those lesser-known (and unenforceable!) laws — that’s for everyone else to do.

* I feel it’s fair to chip off a couple of years for vacancies, mental and otherwise.

Classic Ford hypocrisy — bellow about the entitlement of government employees, then secretly create a brand new, highly-paid City Hall position, ask a fellow football coach to fill it, and when asked to comment, tell the newspapers to go fuck themselves. Except the Sun, of course, because they report on what they’re told, they do it how they’re told to do it, and they don’t ask any questions (now that’s a newspaper!).

So what exactly qualifies Dave Price for the position? Go fuck yourself.

What does the position entail? Go fuck yourself.

How much will Mr. Price be making? Go fuck yourself.

How did Ford decide on Dave Price? “I don’t want to get into personnel matters”, Ford says.

In other words, I’m Rob Fucking Ford and I’m not accountable to anyone. Go fuck yourself.

Rob Ford’s failures are easy pickings; they’re numerous and obvious. But every once in awhile, he also registers a victory which would be incredibly disingenuous of me not to mention.

Like yesterday’s vote, for example.

That Council item, made a top “priority” by Rob Ford, centered around the food concessions in the currently-under-renovation Nathan Phillips Square. Up until recently, those consisted of chips, chocolate, and fizzy drinks offered while the skating rink had blades on it. The rest of the time, the place was shuttered and the only place to grab a bite was at one of the food trucks parked on Queen Street.

But yesterday, led by Ford, Council flipped on a previous decision to not allow a local food chain to move in, and essentially greenlighted Hero Burgers for the location.

I need to point out that I have nothing against Hero Burgers. After Big Smoke and Gourmet, Hero is easily my third choice for tasty burgers (within walking distance). So I don’t have any issues with another Hero location opening up in front of City Hall. But it is interesting to point out the context…

Rob Ford made fatty fast food a top priority and managed to shove it down the City’s throat in record time. His push for subways was, and continues to be, a dismal failure. His repeated “guarantees” to remove or reduce the Land Transfer Tax are a lesson in how not to get things done. His constant threats to sic “Ford Nation” on various politicians is more or less a joke. And so on.

But let’s give credit where it’s due: when it comes to accessibility to greasy foods, you can expect Rob’s full support, undivided attention, and unrelenting determination. Rob also works tirelessly in other areas, like helping homeless Torontonians with a few temporary beds — and by that I mean being the sole dissenting vote against the simple, humanitarian measure.

Rob Ford balked noticeably at being told that he would have to pay his own court costs in the conflict of interest case, which he says he won “fair and square”.

Although he reserved his harshest, most thoughtful criticism for the proposals that Metrolinx recently put out in order to fund transit in Toronto, he nonetheless believes that he was wronged in being forced to pay his own way after “winning” the appeals to the case — one out of four appeals, or 25% of the total to be exact (after completely losing the original case).

But this is Rob Ford, after all, who believes that 25% qualifies as an overwhelming “win”, or that a 47% voting result is a “majority” during an election, etc.

Ford is probably also upset that those opposing him are working for free (assholes!), essentially leaving him the only one footing the bill for his own crimes, which the appeal judges once again reiterated were very real and very wrong, hence the loss of most of the appeals.

The funny thing is that this is exactly what Ford and his idiot supporters outright demand — it’s everyone for themselves, and cut and slash and privatize and fuck everyone in the process because money should be in the pockets of the rich, corrupt, and openly criminal. This is Ford’s raison d’etre incarnate; but, of course, because it’s being done to Rob and not by him, it’s completely wrong! That’s  the new neo-Con, money-trumps-everything, buried-in-hypocrisy-and-lies-and-corruption Canada.

Clayton Ruby offered an insightful and absolutely correct analysis of the situation: “Mayor Ford’s costs request was, once again, scuppered by Mayor Ford.” The term “karmic retribution” would also be very appropriate — now the universe just needs more  of it.

Hurray! Now that Rob Ford has been shown that laws and rules don’t apply to him, he’s once again free to use city resources for his own personal pet projects like the Rob Ford Football Foundation.

Yesterday it was revealed that Chris Fickel, a Ford office staffer, had sent out a solicitation email to Marshall McLuhan Catholic Secondary School (note how those rich, elite public schools are not part of Ford’s ongoing efforts). Fickel is a regular part of Ford’s program, regularly appearing in photos with the teams, driving a city hall car to practices and games, etc.

In Fickel’s defense (not that he needs one), the email was sent from a GMail account. While it was time-stamped 4:37 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon, the fact that Rob Ford is regularly and mostly absent from his duties indicates that this may not actually have been done “on city time” (which, according to Ford, is any time he says).

And who gives a rat’s ass anyways — Rob Ford says it’s okay so just shut the fuck up and accept it.

It’s been almost a year since I reached out to the Star to see what was happening with their complaint against the mayor. You may not remember it — it had to do with how Ford was excluding media from City Hall (and especially the Star).

Well, the much-maligned Integrity Commissioner recently released her report on the incident and decided that there was nothing to follow up on. In other words, case closed.

Unsurprisingly, no one from the Ford camp is so much as mentioning the decision. I suppose it must be a foregone conclusion now that Rob Ford gets away with breaking every rule and law out there, why should this be any different? And, of course, further discussions about the balance in the office of the Integrity Commissioner are completely absent. In other words, if she’s questioning the mayor and doing her job, then of course she’s irrelevant, biased, and just the scum of the earth. If she’s siding with him, it can be ignored so that she can continue to be demonized.

But let’s put this to the side for moment and see what the report actually said. First, some history.

In February 2011, members of the City Hall press gallery put together a brief note stating what they expected of the mayor as a public servant:

The Gallery expects that all of its members will be treated equally and fairly. As such, all media releases, circulars, agendas, notice of scrums and other events, and other official communications from the City of Toronto, including the mayor’s office, must be communicated equally to all members of the Gallery, without favour or prejudice.

Ford ignored this and didn’t respond (surprise!)

In December of that year, a formal complaint was filed and, indeed, Rob Ford was once again found to have been doing exactly what he’d been accused of doing:

The complainant provided examples of bulk distribution of news releases and statements made by the Mayor to the media that were not given to journalists writing for the Toronto Star. The Mayor acknowledges that these were not delivered to writers for the Toronto Star. A search conducted of press releases from the Office of the Mayor during the relevant time period identified the recipients.

Additionally:

The former Press Secretary for the Mayor confirmed that after taking office the Mayor’s flatly stated position was, “I do not talk to the Star.”

Furthermore:

One journalist for the Toronto Star described the situation as an “underground economy” in information. Material was often provided on an “off the record” basis. Another journalist from the Toronto Star described the relationship-building with the Mayor’s Press Secretary as a “long hard slog” which improved over time.

And just to clarify:

The subject of the Mayor’s relationship to the media was discussed with many of those interviewed in this investigation. Staff members from the Toronto Star spoke about the difficulty of doing their work without up to date information about the Mayor and his activities. This complaint was not limited to the Toronto Star. Other journalists described the flow of information out of the Mayor’s office in these terms:

• “few and far between”
• “we aren’t kept up to date regarding what he is doing”
• “occasional” statements
• “less than once per week and sometimes once per month”
• “It is not as if we have a direct line to the Mayor”
• The Press Secretary is “inconsistent” in responding to journalists

…

On the continuum of “sparse or sparser” access, members of the Press Gallery said that the Toronto Star has less access than others. The media members interviewed, and those who commented publicly on the issue have said a number of times that a Mayor should be even-handed with the press and treat all outlets “fairly.” Others felt strongly that there is a democratic obligation on the part of elected officials to be open with the press and to be fair in access to information about their activities.

In the end and despite this overwhelming evidence, the Integrity Commissioner ruled in favour of Ford:

I conclude that on the particular facts in this case, there was no breach of the Code of Conduct by Mayor Ford. The reasons for this finding can be summarized as follows:

• There is an accepted practice of elected officials, including the Mayor, determining how and when they will grant access to the media, by way of interviews, answering questions during scrums or providing information about their views, outside of the formal and publicly accessible mechanisms that exist for ensuring transparent municipal democracy;
• The Mayor did not interfere with the access of Toronto Star reporters to significant avenues of information about the workings and agendas of City Council, the public service, or other councillors;
• The City of Toronto has an open access policy for disseminating information to the media and to the public;
• The Mayor’s personal policy of “not talking to the Star” was incomplete, with his knowledge and approval, as shown by the following:
  • distribution of some bulk e mails to thestar.ca;
  • distribution of most bulk e mails to other members of the Star Media Group, all falling under the direct supervision of the Publisher of the Toronto Star;
  • distribution of all bulk e mails to the affiliated sister company of Metroland;
  • the unofficial and multiple “work arounds” by staff and Toronto Star journalists, known, tolerated and cited by the Mayor in his defence.
  • The originating story which led to the Mayor’s reason for not speaking to the Toronto Star was written during a political campaign and was newsworthy because of his status as a public and political figure;
  • The ability of the press to publish, comment and otherwise hold politicians to account for their media communications practices.

So once again, Rob Ford smugly walks away from the fray because there’s really nothing in place to hold him to account.

This is, of course, in response to Ford’s latest bluster about how people need to sue him when he calls them liars (I’m sure it makes sense to him).