Shocking


 Posted on March 18th, 2009
 by Patrick – No comments. The post is really that bad, huh?

You!

Stop right where you are. Yes, you. Put that ass crack on the pavement or so help me.

Good.

All settled?

The voice of Bill Carrol came on. You know, the CFRB 1010 morning guy and his cadre of over-drole associates. “Did you see this on CNN?”, I paraphrase. “Now they’re using my idea to try and put a positive spin on the news. Using ‘Road to Rescue‘. I’ve been doing that for months! That was my idea!”

Those were the first words I heard as I opened my eyelids today. All of the stuff at the top of the post also came from the radio earlier, but managed to mix into an ongoing dream that you probably wouldn’t want to hear about.

This would be the first fully intelligible statement of the day.

He continued without missing a heartbeat, launching into a litany of woe and sorrow for the state of Toronto, Canada,  the world, and the shocking, s-h-o-c-k-i-n-g story of Natasha Richardson’s accident in Quebec. This last story, one that has riveted Bill the last couple of days, was described with such genuine emotion, such gushing distress, that I think his wife may have something to worry about.

Then came the latest updates in the Richardson case; apparently she was on the bunny hill. Eye-glazingly personal stories of  ski hill debacles followed.
Bill remained shocked.
Then came a three-way debate on head safety. Concensus: Mrs. Richardson may have been saved by it.
If only she had been safe. Shocking news.
Then the interview with the brain expert.
Bill: shocked.

Unfortunately I missed the certainly stellar entry for the “Wall of Shame” segment, but I was already amply satisfied with the course of the day. Nothing gets the heart pumping like a Monster energy drink and a positive, cheery, heart-warming Bill Carrol diatribe.

It’s a privilege, a shocking privilege, to be able to wake up to Bill’s verbal vengeance every morning. You too can catch it live, just remember this is Toronto time.

So sad about Natasha.

What's on your mind?