The pictorial War on Trash was eclipsed today by other news: the death of Michael Jackson. Details on his death are still somewhat sketchy but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he was smothered by an imploded face.
Unfortunately, the news machine has managed to omit some of the truly important details while focusing on the less relevant.
For example, Michael Levine (Jackson’s former manager), is quoted as saying, “It seemed to me that his internal essence was at war with the norms of the world.” Uh-huh. If by “internal essence” he meant penis, and by “norms of the world” he meant adults. The explanations for Michael’s behaviour were as clunky as that analogy. I grew up with his music just like all the other teary-eyed mourners out there, but he’s still a kiddy diddler. That kinda spoils it for me.
Come to think of it, we’ve really been under-served by our the media during this conflict. The strike survival guides that have been prepared for civilians leave a lot to be desired. Here are some samples citing how to deal with trash:
There are no words to express how disappointed I am that this should be suggestion number one on this list. My imagination actually hurts now.
In the CFRB version (which links to a dry, generic Blogger blog), we find this incriminating gem hidden at the bottom:
I believe that’s called DEFECTION DURING WARTIME! … and is considered high treason.
And that was all I could find. Pretty sad, huh?
Here’s some advice from my close and personal friend, Generalissimo Pragmatico:
- Sauces flush.
- It’s not your garbage if it’s your neighbour’s.
- Raccoons’ll eat anything. (but away from your place –- shifty fuckers learn fast)
- Most perishables can eventually be puréed. See 1.
We won’t win this war if General Miller’s propaganda office isn’t making an effort. It’s a war of image as much as it is a war of trash; filthy, dirty trash [spit disgustedly].
We have to win.