How not to eat infants in a civilized manner, part 1

Posted on October 26th, 2009 13 great comments. Room for one more!

A lot of people don’t know this, but Toronto has a terrible zombie problem. Most of the year they’re not really a nuisance; they pick through trash looking for brains and whatnot, but they mostly keep to themselves. But for the past seven years they’ve taken to the streets in an organized march.

Every year they keep demanding brains (like that’s gonna happen!) and better severance.
yeah, that "give him a hand" thing's been done to death. so's being "handy" to be around.

One of the things that shocked me about the whole thing was how punctual the zombies were. These days I’ve come to expect events starting thirty minutes to an hour late. But on Saturday, the undead were off and moving at 3:30 sharp.

Also shocking is the size of the demonstration, not to mention the aggressiveness of the group:

that's what you get for trespassing on ttc property!

I only escaped unharmed because of one amazing fact. That I will share with you tomorrow. You see, the march was so prolific, I simply have no choice but to milk it for two whole posts. Besides, some of the zombies put so much effort into the event, I feel it’s only fair to give them a little air time:

zombie? there's a visine for that!

One guess as to what this fellow was demonstrating for. Yup, brains. I don’t get it, are they that tasty?

They probably have no idea what they really want. I mean, they pick their leader based on who’s got an extra appendage:

i don't think that even belongs to him

What I found particularly interesting was that while zombies don’t have the wherewithal or the sense to eat infants in a civilized manner, they nonetheless possess the forethought to pack an umbrella for the impending rain:

better with ketchup, i bet

You may be thinking that I escaped this terrible occasion because of the security forces attending the route. Haha! Wow, you’re so wrong. The security forces were useless. When they managed to hit their targets, it wasn’t in the head, so the zombies just got back up and kept on going. In fact, I don’t think the personnel were shooting anything by the number of zombies they managed to kill: zero!

they're already dead, don't shot them in the gut!

Perched snipers seemed to have the same problem, and many of the security weren’t even armed. And the posts they gave them to guard … who thought of that?!

this should be a concern

This guy managed to stand his ground for a little while. He beat down the first zombie that managed to climb up and then, wisely, decided to ditch his post:

if you've been paying attention, guns don't stop them. kicks probably won't either.

He jumped into a nearby dumpster which proved to be even less effective in protecting against zombies. And they want his brains?

In the end he managed to rip free from their clutches and beat a hasty retreat around the corner of the building yelling, “28 days later!”

And then, the few civvies left were alone in a sea of zombies. We pushed through the crowd with whatever we could. Just when I thought I’d run out of compatriots to shove into the straining arms of the hordes, I discovered something incredible.

Tomorrow, the amazing tale of how I managed to preserve my voluminous brain; the secret to keeping zombies off you. You’re not gonna wanna miss it!

13 Comments on “ How not to eat infants in a civilized manner, part 1 ”

  • shabana
    October 27th, 2009 2:59 am

    hello patric , actually i tried earlier too but could not locate the comment box but today when i was reading your post i saw it ,so wanted to tell u that i got an blog award from a friend and according to the rules i had to pass to other 15 blogs which i like ,and i liked ur blog a lot so hope u visit my blog and accept the award, i will be delighted.

    Read more from shabana at:
  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:25 am

    Hi Shabana,

    I'm sorry to hear you had trouble with the comment system. Was it that the link to the comment box wasn't clear enough, or was the box not appearing when you viewed the page? I'm very glad to have your comments so if something's not working right, I'll be sure to fix it!

  • shahroll photo
    October 27th, 2009 6:22 am

    wow!! that amazing photos!! :)


    Shahrul Shaharuddin


    Read more from shahroll photo at:
  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:26 am

    Thank you, Shahroll. Your own photos are exquisite :)

  • wngl
    October 27th, 2009 10:38 am

    I'm so jealous -of the event and your amazing photos!

    Read more from wngl at:
  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:05 pm

    It's on again next year, wngl. Just leave your brains at home.

  • shahroll photo
    October 27th, 2009 1:49 pm


    after i saw your web, i think want to documentation about my place too, same what u do.. im stay at Malaysia and my distric at Klang… Ok, i will open up the new blog!! :)

    Read more from shahroll photo at:
  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:06 pm

    Look forward to seeing it, Shahroll :)

  • tashabud
    October 27th, 2009 2:07 pm

    Whew! I'm glad I don't live in Toronto. Are those people just acting like that because it's getting close to Halloween?

    Thanks for dropping me an Entrecard.


    Read more from tashabud at:
  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:07 pm

    No, Tashabud, they're acting like that because they're drunk/high university kids. I'm sure something similar will happen around Christmas. Probably the same amount of blood too.

  • Walt Webb
    October 27th, 2009 4:54 pm

    Hi there, just thought I would drop by and support a fellow Canuck. I am just north of Toronto in Brampton.

    Walt AKA All Sports on the Web

    P.S. maybe we could link blogs, let me know

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  • Patrick
    October 27th, 2009 7:10 pm

    Hi Walt, glad you could drop by. With your kind comment, my blog is automatically linked to yours. I don't keep a blog roll or anything like that so unfortunately this is the best I can offer.

  • Angel
    October 27th, 2009 11:16 pm

    Hi Patrick,

    Thanks for the EC drop. Anyways, saw the photos and read your posts and wow, you've got an interesting blog here. I can't imagine the time and effort these kids put in just to make the getups and the makeups. If it were me, I'd rather sleep. LOL!

    Read more from Angel at:

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