My candidacy for mayor of Fantasyville

Posted on November 24th, 2009 6 great comments. Room for one more!

You get so bogged down in stupid stuff sometimes, you forget to take a breath, don’t ya? I know I do. Every day I run through vapid revenge fantasies to help me deal with some of the unfortunate people I have to interact with.

My current fantasy involves coming up with some well-written, polite, but stern reasons why the person pissing me off at the moment should cease and desist their transgressions immediately, transcribing these reasons onto index cards, and pulling them out whenever the opportunity presents itself. One for every topic, arranged alphabetically. This would save me the “I should have said…” regret while allowing me to express myself in the most concise, effective manner possible. Pre-delivery, a single index finger held aloft to indicate a moment’s pause while searching through the cards. After delivery, a nod, a wave, and a now move on — you’ve clearly been bested look.

If this doesn’t come to fruition, a long walk is a good place to clear the head or scheme. I did this on east Gerrard Street yesterday; ended up feeling both more optimistic about my ability to write sharp preemptive repartee on index cards, and surprised that for some reason I’d never been there before. Another Chinatown near my own neighbourhood, and this one comes with a cool movie set:

chinatown, gerrard street, gates, temple, skyline, cn tower, toronto, city, life

Not unlike the Chinatown on Spadina, but a little more calm. I still managed to get authentically jostled on the sidewalk though, and there was a good amount of that genuine, frenzied replenishment action by the markets’ stock boys.

chinatown, gerrard street, market, fruits, vegetables, crosswalk, pedestrians, toronto, city, life

Just to remind all those Chinamen who’s law applies in this country, the Don Jail sits just off the eastern edge of the neighbourhood:

gerrard street, don jail, penitentiary, criminal justice system, toronto, city, life

I think this building is still in use, but there seems to be a more main entrance just around the bend. This is probably just the place where you come to have your cavities searched and buy souvenirs. Still, not a place that seems welcoming.

This is in contrast to the serene neighbourhood just down the street where only antique shops are allowed and everyone, I mean everyone, must own a lap dog in order to claim residency:

gerrard street, antiques, shop, store, sidewalk, shoppers, toronto, city, life

That sort of yin-yang dynamic in the neighbourhoods helped to balance my perspective significantly, to provide me with a window on a novel a new coping mechanism: utterly destroy the people who irritate me by my superior intellect. It was so obviously clear.

I’ll just have to work out where to acquire this intellect and, if the superior option is a bit pricey, to make a budget for it. After that, it’s just a hop skip ‘n a jump to Fulfilled Fantasyville, home of North America’s most tongue-twisteriest name and happiest mayor: me.

6 Comments on “ My candidacy for mayor of Fantasyville ”

  • onlinemommy
    November 25th, 2009 9:54 pm

    Love the first photo most :) thanks for sharing them :)

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  • Patrick
    November 26th, 2009 8:01 am

    My pleasure, Onlinemommy :)

  • RE - EntrePOD
    November 26th, 2009 11:30 am

    Heyyyy Patrick, is that the Don Mills RCMP Bldg ?

    those are some really great pics. and is that spadina ?

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  • Patrick
    November 26th, 2009 4:38 pm

    Hey, BadGal! Long time :) Truthishly, I'm not sure exactly what the building is; I think it'd the old Don Jail. But whatever it is, "Don" is definitely in the name!
    And surprisingly, no, that's Gerrard Street east of the DVP (very close to the building). One of my friends called it Chinatown East (which would make Markham Chinatown North, I guess).

  • Dory
    November 27th, 2009 11:47 am

    I'm so totally using that index card idea! "Dude… Ew. Stop picking your nose in front of me. I'm Deaf not blind. Thanks, The Management"

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  • Patrick
    November 27th, 2009 7:57 pm

    Hahaha! Let me know how that turns out, Dory. By the way, I totally do not recommend you try that, from a legal standpoint. But between you and me, awesome!

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