I was recently asked if I enjoy being a bachelor.
So far, my answer has to be hells … yeah.
Ask anyone who knows me, I’m definitely not phobic of long-term relationships, I think it’s just that I’m trying to recreate some of those televised dorm room shenanigans because of my own, contrary college experience. It was a community college, strikingly similar to the grouped-together rejects of the TV show Community, but with less of the dry, carefully crafted and craftily delivered humour rolling off Joel McHale’s tongue.
I was surrounded by forty-seven-year-old men who, back home, had been military jet technicians, architects, and — no kidding — bona fide brain surgeons. Often, they would correct the professor (or teacher for those who weren’t allowed to assume the title), much to everyone’s mutual amusement. (“Can’t believe I pay for this horseshit!! Why don’t I just hang around with Mr. Kim here?!”) Plus, our language and cultures often kept our relationships simply cordial. I mean, I was curious to learn about The East, but I found that I really didn’t like kimchi at all. That pretty much put an end to me trying any Korean beer. Plus, they each had families and worked 50 hours after school + studying just to be able to cover tuition (it’s a lot higher if you’re not Canadian), and sadly, yes, in the most prototypical downtown convenience stores one could imagine.
On the recognized work experience scale, I was roughly their supervisor’s supervisor. I could definitely fire their sorry asses. It was a strange dynamic, but at least I was in enough debt that we could share that misery equally (but usually them more than me). And cheating off them was a guaranteed success (a generous coffee a day gets you places! ;) ). But it was no Joel McHale making out with Gillian Jacobs, or Alison Brie. Or even Yvette Nicole Brown. (Even though you know that that last plot line will have to develop at some point. Only way to keep the show classy.)
Maybe I’m being unnecessarily sentimental. I should probably stop listening to those awful Chet Baker songs, especially this time of year.
Are you like me? Do you like to sit on the floor in a crumpled, sobbing heap, running through all the missed opportunities of your youth in your head, again and again? Right, exactly, neither do I. I mean, I’ve tried it a few times but I just can’t seem to get the rhythm of the comforting rocking motion down. And I just don’t see how it solves anything.
But old Chet and his awful good music remind us how cool it is to be a bachelor, especially this time of year.
New parka, check. Hat, check. Gloves, check. Tunage, check.
Shaven, unknown. Showered, unknown. Clean underwear, unknown. Underwear, unknown.
Time for a stroll down chilly Carefree Avenue.
Also, there’s usually a sentence near the end of each Chet Baker tune where you realize that you’d been misunderstanding the lyrics the entire time, Chet’s actually telling the bitch off; then you have to listen to the thing again. Reminds you of the moral ambiguity of life and how, at any moment, you have to be prepared to bring down the hammer. But be cool, baby, be cool.
Chet does wax nostalgic, doesn’t he? At least he seems to be. It’s why I chose some Baker tune to accompany my first TCL post. As if to say, remember this. AND GET BETTER!!
Yup, it’s almost been a year of proper, recorded Toronto City Life. Chet was hinting that I do some sort of year in review thing, but that seems kinda stupid. Besides, everyone does that. “Hey, look, here’s all the crap we did over the past year.” I can look it up myself, thanks. What about taking the road less travelled? The one paved with good, or at least okay, intentions? Ideas that, for one reason or another, either broke their leg and had to be put down, or are still hanging out back in the stables munching on barley. Kinda like failed horse analogies, simply didn’t have the legs to carry them out the starting gate.
Unfortunately, I’ll have to do that tomorrow because Chet’s incessant demands have tuckered me out (he grows more persuasive over time). I’ll also tell you what happened in the TCL sidebar, and more importantly, why. But for now, I can feel the bachelor lifestyle catching up to me. And on a school night too!