The unhealed anus

Posted on February 2nd, 2010 5 great comments. Room for one more!

I came in to work today at about nine fifty. I admit, that’s a bit of a record for me, but that would’ve been a no-no in the past. It’s not that I’m there to do any less work, it’s just that my brain isn’t really engaged at that point in the morning — I work better later in the day. Caffeine really isn’t doing it for me anymore; the brain is still a slug even though the body’s on the move. Taking her out for a spin like that, that’s just reckless.

But I was one of the first few people in the office. Wow.  Different time schedule. I feel like a bit of a brownnoser right now. Totally unintended though, I swear. But still. Wow.

It’s the past that allows us to cherish moments such as these. The past, who recently requested that I fork over the difference for the “overpayment” on my final paycheque. In fact, I got paid less than usual. I expected less, but I most certainly didn’t get more. *sigh* Why can’t the past just go to hell already?

I’ll tell you why – it’s the battle scars we have to bear with us. Mementos to remind us that comparisons may indeed be made. And of course, nothing’s perfect, but one must also be sure to look around and note one’s blessings. Like not walking away with a chafed anus every day. That’s a nice feeling.

And being reminded of the past is instrumental in helping judge not only present but also future prospects. Take Adam “Jammie-Jams” Giambrone; the baby-faced newcomer to the Toronto mayoral race. I didn’t think it was possible to demonstrate that he has any less personality, but Jammers just turned that assumption on its ear. Here’s Jammie-Jam’s announcement he was going to run:

He’s well known for entering politics at a very young age. See? That’s what happens when you do it too young. You end up a humourless log. For a young guy, you think he’d be able to pull a little charm out of his ass, but it seems he’s plum out.

Poor kid. He even foreshadowed his own downfall at his own I’m-loud-and-I’m-proud event:

I like when he talks about learning lessons from the past to build the city of the future. Holy cow! Wasn’t it, like, just yesterday that another kooky decision by the TTC was uncovered? The one about the buses that have to sit idling outside because some Swedish-made system to keep them warm and ready doesn’t operate well in extremely cold temperatures. (GAH! Isn’t that exactly when it needs to work well?!) I only mention this because it could be any one of the dozens of boondoggles and genuine fuck-ups that Jammers is responsible for. He does, after all, run the TTC.

Wow, I mean, if by some miracle Jammie should get elected, that would necessitate me having to redraw my plans for the future. To something more apocalypsy. I’m sure it won’t happen, but let’s just make sure by not forgetting yesterday’s decimated fields of dreams. Trampled on by Jam-master Giambronay. And when I say yesterday, I mean literally yesterday.

Damn, my anus hasn’t even begun to heal yet. Have they no shame?!

5 Comments on “ The unhealed anus ”

  • stanya
    February 3rd, 2010 10:47 am

    This guy Giambrone realy think he can do something good for Toronto's future? I wouldn't see it as pinkish as he try to present it. Every time I see him on TV talking about TTC I can smell wierd ozon. Whatever he ever did for Torontonians is big zero of pluses, and enormous deal of minuses. He seems to me absolutely irresponsible hence all the situations aroud TTC versus government and public. Kind a clown, nobody should take him seriously.

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  • stanya
    February 3rd, 2010 12:02 pm

    Can anyone realy realisticly imagine what this guy Giambrone could do for better Toronto's future? Not me at the very best. I can see just another overwhelming taxes, problems comming out of nowhere rigth on time – he,just like other politicians is good in it. So far there has never been enough money for poor TTC workers and transit improvment, but I would guess mainly for management. And sure enough there always is money in taxpayers pokets. Why not dig it? And in case of public dissapointment he always can wait patiently and by the end of the day even the biggest loudmouth will shut up becaouse there is never enough opponents to realy do something about people just like him. Hey com'on folks don't take guys like him seriously.

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  • Patrick
    February 3rd, 2010 3:23 pm

    I completely agree, Stanya. If Giambrone managed the TTC properly, then I'd certainly consider him for mayor. *Consider*. But as it is now, I wouldn't trust him to pick up my garbage on time.

  • Kato
    February 4th, 2010 11:18 am

    All I can think of to respond, and don't think I am immature or anything, but:


    Ok, I am done.

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  • Patrick
    February 4th, 2010 7:57 pm

    You took the HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAs right out of my mouth, Kato! Couldn't have said it better myself :)

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