What a weekend, dear reader. And I don’t mean that in a good way. It’ll have to be written into the history books as The Great Umbrella Massacre of 2010.
My own, newly purchased brolly barely withstood a day before snapping. I won’t have to put it down just yet, but it’s limping, and that kind of umbrella doesn’t have long. Still, it fared better than some of it’s brothers and sisters.
I should warn you now, if you have a weak stomach for this sort of thing, you may want to look away.
I guess this is the time of year when spring starts to wrestle with winter. March is usually described as some kind of awful lamby-lion hybrid, it’s recessive and dominant genes leaving a trail of destruction in their path as they duke it out across the city. I’d say that this is an accurate description.
Naturally, I didn’t venture out much. But I did at least get to survey some of the carnage afterward; and I was mortified at what I saw:
To be cast off so ingloriously, what a horrible waste. And the indignities didn’t stop there; umbrellas littered the streets for some time afterward, even as the winds were subsiding and life was returning to normal:
The M.U. should be ashamed.
But, to be honest, I was little more ambivalent about other situations. Those were the ones in which umbrellas were so severely punished that they ended up being, well, irretrievable:
That umbrella is now only useful as a multi-marshmallow roaster, and there aren’t many campfires around the city, so that poor thing’s pretty much done. GOD!! rest it’s soul.
I don’t know this man’s name. I’m afraid to ask. He stands kitty-corner from Yonge-Dundas Square and his modus operandi is to stand perfectly still like that (the open “Venus Fly Trap” position), until some poor soul buzzes too close, at which point he snaps and screams, “GOD!! (something something something)”. That “(something something something)”, I don’t think anyone’s ever caught, as the typical reaction is to jerk away from him with a startled, “Jesus!!”. Perhaps that’s his intended reaction. Maybe someone’s filming :)
Not my kind of solace anyhout.
Besides, the umbrella carcasses are mostly gone now so I don’t have to think about them. At least until next time.