Conservatives want robots. That’s it.

Posted on March 15th, 2012 No comments. The post is really that bad, huh?

I just had to quote the asinine verbosity of Rob Ford on this one, it’s just so apt.

According to the Toronto Sun, the loosely named “conservative think tank” Fraser Institute came up with the conclusion that immigrants are a big burden on the economy, mentioning that businesses are “not taking advantage” of skilled workers (clearly not in any way due to the policies of the Conservatives, both local and federal), and offer one of the most brilliant solutions I’ve heard of in years: robots

Specifically, “Faced with an elderly population in need of care and a shortage of medical staff, Japanese inventors have created robots that dispense pills and help feed and bathe seniors in hospitals.” According to the “think tank”, Canada should be investing in robots so that all of our elderly parents can spend their remaining years staring into the loving eyes of a machine while being poked and prodded and force-fed drugs.

Thankfully, the Cons don’t want anyone abusing seniors. That’s their job. They suggest that Canada could fire a bunch of nurses and maybe even doctors, and practically take humanity out of the equation altogether. These are conservatives we’re talking about, so none of this is surprising, but it does set a new bar for callousness and coldness, even by their standards. There’s no doubt what conservatives prize above everything else, even life itself: cold hard cash.

“This increases productivity of people who design robots and run robots,” said Herbert Grubel, co-author of the Fraser report. “We’re preventing all of that from taking place.”

By “we”, of course, he means Harper’s government which, when spoken out loud, is pronounced “left-wing pinkos”. And the first part of the sentence would really only make sense if the robots were pre-programmed with some sort of culling instructions a la Terminator, which would certainly make the whole process much more efficient. Not sure how this is to create more jobs, unless of course all that freshly rendered human flesh clogs up the gears, but it sure would keep the robot servicing peons busy and productive.

And after that, who knows…maybe a new food product on the market along the lines of Soylent Green? Think of how many problems that would solve!

Unfortunately, the Toronto Sun spent more time extolling the virtues of big boobs and guns than pontificating on this topic, which was of course closed to comments (thinking’s hard), so we may never know what their own in-house “think tank” thinks about such fresh ideas, but I think we can extrapolate their collective opinion: Robots. That’s it.

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