I must admit, I was skeptical. The invitation to explore The Bentway neighbourhood through “the building of the route across the city as well as the big set off or ‘fall’ of the dominoes!” seemed contrived. However, the limited-time nature of the conceptually simple event proved to be rewarding. Maybe even genius.

Pretty sure everyone’s familiar with the cascading row of dominoes setup so you get the idea of what this event was about. Simple on the surface.

Within, though, there was depth to the stunt.

The path of Dominoes led through the Waterfront Neighbourhood Centre. Never been here before but I aim to return.

It’s a little oasis on the edge of an international airport and a bustling tourist sector.

It’s neat to see what actually exists right now — not just what can theoretically exist — at the heart of a modern urban metropolis.

I don’t know to what extent this event was advertised but it seemed to bring out a good number of people. I daresay, there was anticipation in the air.

When that last block went over the edge there was a hearty cheer.

Props, Toronto. Props.

_{P.S. In case you were wondering the bricks were made of aircrete (or something similar), a lightweight type of concrete that’s less dense than regular concrete. I picked up one of the blocks and although it was lighter than I expected, I suspect that if I’d dropped it on my foot from a carrying height I’d still probably break a toe or two.}

I was the happy recipient of my first ever, bona fide media pass this weekend:

Yup, that’s my real last name. Kinda underwhelming, huh? And you wanna know the strangest thing? Never did the kids tease me with Patrick Gay when I was young. Nope, it was always, “So did you score a hat-trick, Patrick?” “Hells yeah, dumbass,” I’d reply in my best Czech-English hybrid, “everyone in my country plays hockey like stars. Don’t you?”

I remember being friends after that.

Sorry, I’m getting off track. The point was that I was invited to come see an exhibit as a rep of TCL. I went disguised as myself; totally got away with it! Neat :)

This time, security apologized to me for asking me not to take photos. “Oh, sorry, sir. Wish they’d make those tags bigger!” “Hehe, that’s okay. By the way, I need to speak to your superior regarding your atrocious behaviour, swine!”

The power. *shiver*

I would’ve been very interested to see this exhibit anyway, so getting an invite was like a cherry on the whipped cream. With my favourite dessert underneath. Alas, I received no remuneration, alcoholic beverages, or comely female accompaniment, so I feel my hosts could’ve done better in those areas. But good on the Science Centre for inviting a good cross-section of media, even the little guys. *sniff*

And I must say, it’s really nice to be able to share a few photos with you, dear reader, in a much more relaxed manner.

Yeah, not that relaxed. But close.

This was one of those things where I just needed to move slowly and take photos of everything; no rush. The exhibit was all about athletics. Or love. Or something. I think. There were lots of smaller bits in display cases interspersed throughout that provided close-up details of something or other, and always in full colour:

Those are real human body parts, dear reader. Preserved for a good long time through a process called plastination. To sum it up, the sliced-up body part is submerged in acetone which replaces the water in the cells. Under a vacuum, the acetone boils off while a polymer (plastic) gets sucked in.  The cell walls are basically filled in with plastic. Then they add soul-piercing eyes:

… Continue Reading

Imagining ride-the-rides-till-I-puke fun, and fully intending to top this off with the closing performance of Luminato,  I decided to enjoy a sunny afternoon on the Toronto Islands yesterday.

No sooner had I left the docks than nature decided to go on her rag:

Kudos to all of you who spotted Bobby Lee in this photo.

Despite the ominous ceiling and ravenous  seagulls at Centreville (Toronto’s lumberjack-inspired answer to Coney Island), I managed to scarf down a funnel cake with “the works” consisting of a light dusting of icing sugar (childrens’ cocaine), early-season strawberry goop (later in the year, the storage barrel’s accumulated fly droppings adversely affect the flavour), and ice cream (childrens’ meth). The eight-dollar price tag (four bucks for the pointless, barely-dusted variety), seemed a bit steep, even if they import from Colombia.

The few rides that seemed like they could support an adult man were overrun with coke-crazed kids, and the others were closed down for repairs. Shame. But I did get to wander around, fondle some goats at the petting zoo, that sort of thing.

The northern part of the island has some interesting, less-traveled areas like the hedge maze where children come to do drugs in private and then run around screaming incoherently, presumably because of the hallucinatory insects crawling on their skin. Note for you parents: this is a good opportunity for you to suddenly and permanently “lose” your kids. Well worth the trip.

The beach at the very northern end of the island is surprisingly syringe and condom-free, but the fishy smell and the looming clouds didn’t inspire a dip. Instead, I got a good gander at the cormorants that are re-populating (and defoliating) the Leslie Street Spit, from the pier that juts out into lake Ontario. For a dollar, the coin-operated binoculars provided three minutes and twenty seconds of nude trees and hardcore bird sex.

Sexy. But not as sexy as Toronto’s very own haunted phallus, the Gibraltar Point Lighthouse:

Despite the awesomeness of this photo, the structure is barely four storeys tall. Well, maybe six. You could probably see the light out at a distance on the lake but the tree line would block it out near the island, the only place you would really need it. Most of the trees look pretty old so I can only conclude that they must’ve Agent Oranged the hell out of the place back in the day.

If you were thinking of peeking through that red gate at the base, you would be rebuffed by a Dr. Evilesque voice saying, “You will find that quite im-possible. It’s a very solid door … with lay-zers.” So outside with the mosquitoes, cell towers, and lost/urinating tourists you stay.

The building certainly looks authentic enough, and chunks where cement has patched the masonry are visible but executed very cleanly. The grey and white morning-salute to Toronto should be around for ages to come. I bet it’s breathtaking at dawn.

Alas, the day was growing dark so I returned to the docks, shoved aside a bunch of old (weak!) people and made my way to the front of the boat.

The final Luminato show was an hour-long delay with people in the crowd shouting, “What the fuck? This fucking sucks! Where’s the cock-sucking show you assholes?” Sophisticated art lovers all, just not my type of crowd; plus my dogs were barking something fierce, so I decided to call it a day.

Suckers.

It’s been a soggy couple of days in the city. When it wasn’t outright raining, a maritime mist kept everything slick, and the fog that followed ensured it stayed that way. I was starting to feel a bit under the clouds as I sat on the Dundas West streetcar, wondering what the heck I was going to write about today. See how much I care about you?

I was flipping around the idea of mentioning some of the outrageously asinine conversations I’ve been overhearing lately on the same route, but that was quickly dismissed when I spotted this thing:

A giant demi-sperm stuck to a wall; brilliant! At first I thought it might be an installation that spilled across the street from the AGO, but a mere two photos later, a goggle-headed face appeared from behind the glare in the window beckoning me in.

This actually happened some time back in March. I kept putting off writing about it until I completely forgot. Until today, that is.

I was schlepping groceries from Chinatown on my way home when I spotted the worm (called Nessie). Steve Mann’s get-up initially startled me, mostly because he looked like an extra from a Mad Max movie. But those dreamy eyes…

Without a second thought, I lept up those steps with bags, camera ‘n all, and parked myself in the middle of the space.

That’s Steve at the back there.

As you can see, the stuff inside is even more interesting than the halved spermatozoa stuck to the outside. The bathtub is actually being fitted to become a musical instrument called a Hydraulophone. Instead of blowing air through the pipes as you would with a standard instrument, this one uses water which vibrates various pipes, each of which is tuned to a produce a different frequency. In this case, the instrumentalist sits inside the tub, which is often done up for public appearances to look like a real bathing scene. Except here the lady sings and plays the tub. I know, I’m blushing too.

It’s an exact science and Professor Mann’s the man in the field. He does the Hydraulophone thing professionally, between stints as a teacher and a cyborg, I guess. I can barely hold down a job and a blog, so I have to respect the guy. He’s also got a permanent Hydraulphone exhibit in front of the Science Centre. I accidentally dropped one of Oliver’s  poops while disposing of them behind the building; it’s probably still there. Just doesn’t really compare somehow.

At least I managed to go the whole post without making any off-colour references about music being made by inserting fingers into wet holes. See how much I care about you?

The exact sequence of events yesterday at the Bickford Centre are still a bit hazy.

Some time in the late morning a gunman, or gunmen, stormed the adult ESL school and took the principal hostage. The school went into “lockdown” although none of the articles I read about the incident explained what “lockdown” means. Let’s assume that it involves locking the doors, keeping everyone huddled in the corner, and asking them to pray to whatever heathen gods they pray to.

This next part is what’s not quite clear to me. The Star seems to insinuate that the police showed up only after everything was over and only after calling the school to warn them that a threat was present. Presumably the Emergency Task Force took up positions outside the building, aimed their semi-automatics, and did their tactical entry thing.

Some time elapsed; a pregnant woman was carried out on a stretcher moaning; worried friends, relatives, and neighbours stood behind the police cordon nervously awaiting news. The atmosphere was thick with tension. And thickness (read on).

About an hour later it was all over. No shots had been fired and no one had been hurt. And that’s because it was just a drill.

Well, it was a drill according to the school’s administration; they just didn’t tell anyone about it. They said that they wanted to see how people would respond in a real-world emergency situation and so they didn’t provide anyone with advance notice. The real-world part seems reasonable but some of the other stuff…not so much.

For example, didn’t anyone in the school’s administration think to call the police just to let them know what was going on? Apparently this happens (minus the ETF), twice a year so it’s not like they haven’t done this before. It also happened at a school where, at the very least, I would expect someone to exercise a modicum of critical thinking. I mean, I’m not qualified to be a teacher or anything,  but the equation that led to this incident seems fairly straightforward:

Secret simulated hostage crisis + People with cell phones = High probability of serious police involvement

I’d use the word “embarrassing” but that requires the ability to be cognizant of the embarrassing circumstances; that seems not to be the case here. This is a school being run by people who are in charge of teaching newcomers to the Canada how to communicate (oh dear!). Furthermore, if the Star story is right and the cops called only after it was all over, I think we can agree that the ball was dropped by someone somewhere. Calling the potential victims of a crime after that crime has been perpetrated is pretty ball-less if you ask me. Lotta boobs though; especially the school administration.