Both Rob and Doug have been going all out in putting the blame primarily on the media for all of their current woes. While the stories become more and more outrageous, it would certainly seem that they’re being exaggerated were it not for the piles of corroborating evidence and the personal testimony of the mayor’s former staff.

True, I wasn’t there and I don’t know any of the people mentioned in the police reports. My closest personal interaction with off-the-cuff statements and public officials involved newly-appointed mayor Norm Kelly in a brief conversation he had with Sarah and me at a doctor’s office about six months ago — his wife was there to treat a recurring medical condition. It seemed like an odd thing to blurt out to what to Norm must have been just two random strangers; but not exactly scandal material.

For the most part, I can only depend on inference and corroborating documents in reaching my conclusions. But increasingly, and perhaps as a result of ramped-up public pressure, one or the other of the Ford brothers makes a public statement that makes inference entirely unnecessary.

The latest such statement came courtesy of Rob himself, the “I wanted to eat her pussy” admonition — the “her” being former Ford staffer Olivia Gondek to whom, it is claimed, Rob made the proclamation during one of his infamous drunken stupors. Despite mentioning this in a closing aside during a press conference  (“oh, and one more thing”), this will probably be traced by future historians as the statement that pushed Rob Ford over the edge.

Problem is, no one actually said this. The real alleged statements included:

“I’m going to eat you out”
“I banged your pussy”
“I’m going to eat your box”

Apparently Ford said this to not only Gondek but also a female security guard (the final quote), and if the reports are to be believed, this isn’t completely out of character:

xxx) Mayor FORD tried to hit-on a woman that was at the [subway] station which was unusual behaviour for him. He asked her out to dinner.

…

eeee) Mayor FORD wanted to go to the Esplanade that night.

ffff) RANSOM described Alana as:

i)a female
ii) white,
iii) blonde hair,
iv) younger than RANSOM,
v) blue eyes,
vi) thin,
vii) petite and
viii) attractive.

gggg) RANSOM has a photo at home that he can provide to the police.

hhhh) Alana may have been an escort or prostitute. There have been rumors that Mayor FORD has used escorts or prostitutes. Alana has also been seen with Mayor FORD at a stag party. Alana approached PROVOST that night. This upset Mayor FORD because Alana recognized PROVOST. RANSOM thinks that Mayor FORD was upset because PROVOST was not being discreet about Alana. Alana didn’t seem intoxicated that night.

…

hhhh) Alana may have been an escort or prostitute. There have been rumors that Mayor FORD has used escorts or prostitutes. Alana has also been seen with Mayor FORD at a stag party. Alana approached PROVOST that night. This upset Mayor FORD because Alana recognized PROVOST. RANSOM thinks that Mayor FORD was upset because PROVOST was not being discreet about Alana. Alana didn’t seem intoxicated that night.

…

nn) CHRISTOPOULOS had enough of dealing with the personal life of the Mayor. That was not his job.

oo) In the past women have come to the office and told staffers that they have smoked a joint with the Mayor on the street outside of the bar. These women were told by the Mayor that they could have a job. CHRISTOPOULOS would have to interview these women and try and talk them out of a job. These women would state that the Mayor provided the marihuana. One women’s names was “Blair”. They would be contacted by email. Apparently this woman had put a picture of her and the Mayor on Twitter and she was contacted by the Toronto Star asking questions. That is when she contacted the office of the Mayor. The emails may have come into the Mayor’s account in June to August of 2012.

What’s genuinely interesting to me is how Rob managed to conflate certain statements made to the police (while ignoring other and, to me, considerably more serious allegations), to create something that was ultimately much worse.

Had he used an actual quote, his on-camera statement probably wouldn’t have been as bad. Yeah, making public statements about eating out boxes (first thing on a Monday morning to boot), probably also would’ve gotten some cockeyed looks, but I think we all agree that the way that Rob Ford decided to phrase it was probably the worst possible way.

The fact that these allegations were made is secondary to Rob’s almost mythical ability to take bad situations and make them just that much worse. To date, neither Rob, his brother, or anyone else has thought to correct this error, but regardless of whether there was a “pussy” or a “box”, or some sort of combination of the two, this latest incident just further proves what Ford critics have been saying all along: the man doesn’t have the judgement to correctly string together a sentence let alone run a city.

In my mind, that alone is an excellent reason for cutting Ford off at the knees. Sound judgement is probably the top attribute required of Toronto’s mayor, and neither Rob nor Doug have shown that they have any.

An excerpt from a recent Cracked magazine:

Robbie talking to Norm Kelly during this year’s TIFF:

Robbie answering questions directly and honestly:

A clip that never gets old:

Honest signage:

On oldie-but-a-goodie:

An uncanny likeness:

…and another portrayal by artist Mike Geiger:

Finally, just so it’s not all the disturbingly laughable Rob Ford, a random street altercation on Spadina:

It’s been years since anything like this was attempted and, let’s be honest, this is a survey that all of Toronto has been waiting far too long for. I understand that you, dear reader, may not know the first thing about most, if not all, of these people and that’s perfectly okay. I might suggest that not knowing some of these folks’ backgrounds may make them sexier. The idea here is to be entirely superficial. :)

I think it’ll be fun to leave the poll open until the fall election when all of these faces may change. Perhaps we can correlate the sexiness factor with incumbency.

In the meantime, pick the three sexiest guys and gals (feel free to vote as much as the system will allow), and I’ll try my best to deliver the good news to the winning two offices — one lady, one gent — when the numbers are all in. “Hottest Toronto Councillor 2010” — that’d look nice on a plaque.

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