It’s new been a little over a week that a number of bullets hit the US embassy here in Toronto. Although the exact number of reported shots fired ranges anywhere from two to “multiple”, it’s reported that “roughly 10 shell casings” were found outside the building (so probably closer to “multiple”). Apparently the weapon used was a handgun.

According to a Toronto Police Service news release, two people drove up to the front doors of the embassy on University Avenue at 4:29 in the morning of the 10th in a white Honda CR-V, one or both of them got out, blasted the building (cops state that both individuals were involved in the “discharge of the gun”), jumped back in, and drove off toward Queen West.

A couple of days later, @TPSOperations posted that the vehicle used had been stolen but recovered somewhere in Toronto “within hours” of the shooting.

This isn’t exactly the norm for Toronto but within this odd event are nestled some even odder details.

First, it’s reported that embassy staff didn’t contact the police until an hour after the shooting. Although there’s no explanation of why they waited so long, the media consensus (as primed by the cops), seems to be that because the embassy is heavily fortified, the people working in the building probably didn’t even notice anything amiss.

What’s odd about this claim is that the building is indeed heavily fortified and surveilled (the image near the top is from one of numerous embassy cameras). Based on the embassy’s amount of obvious and public-facing surveillance equipment, not to mention being chock-full of spies, I find it difficult to believe that not a single person, security or otherwise, noticed anything amiss for an hour.

Second, according to a CTV report the incident was reported to an officer that “was flagged down in the area”. Yeah, someone (presumably) from the embassy literally went outside to look for a cop on the street to report the shooting instead of picking up a phone or walking to the nearest police station (52 Division), which would’ve taken about 5 minutes.

Third, in the same report it was stated that, “witness evidence shows that a white Honda CRV was spotted heading west on Dundas Street before turning onto University Avenue and stopping in front of the U.S. Consulate”. That’s a distance of about 190 meters (623 feet). You can see how far this is by taking a trip down University from Dundas in Google Street View:

With good eyesight it wouldn’t be impossible to spot the vehicle from Dundas but it would require standing in the middle of the southbound lanes, perhaps in the crosswalk, as the lines of sight on both sides of University are obstructed. The other possibility is that the SUV was followed by the “witness” in a vehicle but this begs the question of why anyone would’ve remembered a car pulling over for a few minutes — and nothing else.

For context, the shooting happened at around 4:30 a.m. and it was reported on by the media at around 6:30 a.m. at the earliest. Global News had already included this “witness” information in an article just before 8 a.m. yet a press conference held by the police, in which they asked for witnesses to come forward, didn’t happen until 10:30 a.m.

Going by this timeline, the “witness” saw the white SUV drive west on Dundas, turn south on University, then stop in front of the embassy. For some reason the “witness” remembered this commonplace detail but ostensibly didn’t see or hear any shots fired since the cops didn’t receive any report until an hour after it happened, and then only because embassy staffed ventured out into the street to flag down a passing cop.

Standing in front of the embassy, it would’ve been equally difficult to spot the vehicle turning south from Dundas. And was this “witness” just hanging out for the hour before police showed up? The whole thing strains credulity.

Unfortunately, this event has been designated a “national security” issue which means that we may never know the full story. Still, with all of these intriguing little details I’m eager for a follow-up. Rest assured that if/when there are any updates they’ll be promptly posted here.

The chickens are back and they’re ready to roost.

With the US election having run its course and everyone losing their shit about Trump’s victory I thought it might be good to remind anyone thinking of disparaging our “democratic” system that this is what it’s all about!

You really shouldn’t be complaining since you went out of your way to agree to be ruled for another four years. While I stubbornly reject the vote you chose to acquiesce because it’s “the best system we have”, so why all the fussin’? Do as you tell others to do: just accept it and get over it.

Not to mention that with November 11^th just around the corner, wouldn’t it be incredibly disrespectful of you to disparage the freedoms that all those soldiers ostensibly gave their lives for? That goes doubly for any shameful attempts at shutting down anti-military protests and other displays of freedom that you are solemnly thanking the dead for — you wouldn’t dare dishonour their memory like that, would you?

While we’re on the topic of recollection, don’t you remember demanding that “our” government is the best solution to pretty much every problem, despite the “wrinkles” and “hiccups”? Feel free to sing hosanna at being given the privilege to choose from the lesser of two evils every four years. After all, isn’t it idiotic to suggest that maybe you shouldn’t be choosing evil in the first place? I mean, what’s the alternative to centralized control — warlords? Obviously death by the millions and untold suffering brought on by the state and its endless lust for violence is far better.

Besides, who would build the roads?

Anyway, let me remind you of the phrase that you so gleefully deliver when you tire of explaining why the state is God and why we should all blindly obey, a piece of advice that you so handily dole out to dismiss the stupidity and pointlessness of critical thought, your superior response to the suggestion that maybe government & friends isn’t the best way forward:

You did your duty, now go out there and proudly wave your flag!

And don’t forget to pay your taxes.

After five weeks off the job and finally managing to walk away with the bank, you’d think the unions would be eager to get back to work, wouldn’t you? I would too. But we’d both be wrong. Now they’re fussing over how they should return to work.

Have you ever done that thing where you rub the palm of your hand into your forehead in an agitated, twisting motion? Yeah.

Do you wanna know what I think happened? I think that City Hall saw Caribana looming and figured it couldn’t afford to lose it. Perhaps because of money. Perhaps reputation. Perhaps both. The negotiators blinked and, as a result, Miller has offered our collective anuses up for all sorts of wanton abuse. I can’t believe I used to call him General.

Oh well, at least it’ll be settled soon and we can all get back to doing whatever it is we do. Which is actually pretty much the same thing we’ve been doing all this time. How exciting.

Sarcasm, you say? Moi?! The impropriety!

Just hit the streets if you require evidence of various, excitingly subversive a-goings-ons:

Now who feels like an impudent little monkey?

Unfortunately, these people are so underground, I have no idea who they are or what this is all about. It’s clear they’re fucking with the post office, I  just can’t fathom why. Until they make themselves known, I guess we’ll just have to call them the Jacket Mailers Collective, or JaMaCo for short.

I know, right? That would make a good song. JaMaCo, down in Key Largo, blah blah blah blah, on the go, etc. Already half written! Unfortunately, JaMaCo is going to need a kick-ass stage show because someone already beat them to the headlines:

Pleasehelpusmrsnixon.com, a domain whose brilliance is bested only by torontocitylife.com

The nifty people behind this campaign are targeting one Janet Nixon, wife of Gordon Nixon, president and CEO of the Royal Bank of Canada. RBC is one of the few remaining bank conglomerates in Canada and I believe Gordon can have people legally “disappeared”. He’s that powerful. The bank invested in a, let’s say, controversial project called the tar sands. It’s a messy way to get oil out of tar-covered sand patches.

The group has been trying to stop the project’s source of funding, which is RBC, but Gordon doesn’t much care for their company. What to do?

Of course; talk to the guy’s wife!

The website features a fireside chat addressing, in a casual and friendly manner, Mrs. Nixon, asking for her assistance in helping her husband see some reason. “Thank you, Janet. Thank you very much.”

So nice.

In keeping with the sentiment, I’m so glad you could join me and share a moment of your time. That’s right, I’m pointing directly at you. Thank you.

Now, unfortunately, I have other duties to attend to, so I’ll have to bid you adieu. I’m sure you understand that I would never eschew you for something if it wasn’t critically important.