At this point in time I’ve pretty much used up almost my entire vocabulary of expletives and colourful adjectives for Rob Ford so I’m not gonna go down that road.

Nope.

Let me just say that I find Ford latest behaviour extremely disappointing.

I’m referring to the latest news that has Robbie calling a special rush-rush meeting to decide what to do about his unfilled Deputy Mayor seat.

The meeting, in and of itself, is sensible considering the recent departure of Doug Holyday for provincial pastures. Hard to find fault with that. But, as usual, that’s only about five percent of the story.

The fact that Holyday would be running, and that the Deputy Mayor seat could be vacated was hardly a secret, so this meeting that Rob is calling probably didn’t have to be so last minute.

But so what? Aren’t meetings part and parcel of Council’s job?

Yes, but it sucks hard to be told that you need to cut short your vacation time because Fordo couldn’t see past his limited imagination a few weeks into the future and instead waited until the ball was already in the net.

This is especially egregious considering how Rob Ford skipped out of a Council meeting not more than a month ago, so that he could take off early for … guess what? … a vacation!

And let’s not forget how Rob Ford famously skirted his responsibilities as ambassador to this city (more than once), for the Pride event that draws millions of people from all over the world, in order to go for … guess what? … a vacation!

In between vacations, Robbie seemingly has an overabundance of free time, which makes the whole thing extra slap-in-the-face-y. Yet Ford seems to be so disconnected from reality that apparently this doesn’t bother him in the least. This is evidenced by the additional facts that he’s seriously considering getting back into coaching football, despite all the trouble that his obsession has led to, and despite the fact that his last coaching gig ended up with a lot of pissed-off people.

I mean, that’s Robbie right? The same man who’s administration is internally so unstable that it continues to bleed staff (another “personal assistant” this time), like it’s going out of style.

My adjectives dwindle with every passing day.

How many of us grew up on The Kids in the Hall? How many of us have wished for a fish dinner with Paul Bellini, the mysterious and ephemeral fifth Kid, at a convenient airport hotel?

Well, believe it or not, Bellini hosts a more-or-less regular show over at the Flying Beaver Pubaret which is, mind-blowingly, cover-free! Yeah, you can actually just waltz in off of Parliament Street (near Carlton), order a beverage, and rub naked or clothed elbows (your choice) with the one and only Paul Bellini.

The Flying Beaver is a delightfully intimate venue with room for maybe 80 to 100 people if everyone stood shoulder to shoulder, and has not ceased to amaze me with some of the personalities it has managed to attract. I’m sure owners Maggie and Heather‘s seemingly endless connections to Canadian comedy, the best form of comedy, help a lot.

What I’m trying to get at is, basically, that The Flying Beaver is an incredible Toronto-gem-hosting Toronto gem that has thus far managed to stay brow-furrowingly audience free. Even during its bigger shows, Sarah and I have never had a problem getting a table. To me, this must be simply because most of Toronto has not yet been made aware of the wonders of the Flying Beaver, meaning you still have an opportunity to experience it, and its incredible personalities, very much in the flesh.

It’s been very quiet around these parts lately.

I mean, there’s the idiotic anti-graffiti campaign that Robbie is attempting to resurrect, a “war” that the overweight fool will never win. There’s also Ford’s ill-advised yet completely expected nose-sticking into provincial politics in the now-successful campaign of Doug Holyday, which leaves Ford without an underling should something happen to him.

And that possibility is looking more likely now with the un-quieting news that Mohamed Siad, the guy who originally showed Gawker the Rob Ford crack video and was subsequently arrested in the massive June raid on the Dixon Road apartments, has offered it up to the cops in exchange for a plea deal.

To devout Fordites this will probably still all come across as pure fiction, despite the fact that well-known Toronto lawyer Warren Kinsella has weighed in, claiming that he’s certain that the video is most definitely real, has been seen by many people, and is now floating around between the courts and lawyers.

To quote:

Here’s what I know:

• Siad possessed the video.
• The police got the video when they arrested him, using a search warrant.
• The Crown office was then given the video.
• The Crown disclosed the video to lawyer Brown. He has it.

… the video is in the hands of many people, now. And it has been seen by many more. And it shows Rob Ford smoking what appears to be crack cocaine.

Keep in mind that Warren is a lawyer, and a well-known one at that, so he has a lot to lose by making knowingly false statements. Besides, how many people have now publicly, and to much flack and derision from Fordites, stated that yes, the video is real, and yes, that sure as hell looks and sounds like Ford smoking what looks like crack?

Even staunch Ford supporters like the Sun are no longer calling into question the existence of the crack “tape” and are now switching to the “but how do you know it’s crack?” deflections. That’s not unlike demanding that the recent shooting of Sammy Yatim by the cops is fiction because you weren’t there to witness it. It’s a good thing that the court system operates around evidence.

Let’s be clear: the Ford crack video is real, no doubt about that. It’s very certain that it is in fact Rob Ford smoking whatever substance he’s seen to be smoking in that video. And that substance, based on everything we know about Ford, is very likely crack cocaine.

The only question that remains is, will justice ever be done?

I get the feeling that even the Toronto Sun kinda gets that the latest vote on transit funding isn’t exactly the shining moment that Ford is making it out to be.

Rather than celebrate Ford’s victory, the Sun took the opportunity to attack Karen Stintz, claiming that Ontario Transportation Minister Glen Murray called her a “roadblock” in the process of getting shit done. She says that it won’t be possible to move forward on any less than $1.8 billion, Murray says $1.4 billion is all that’s coming.

This comes after Ford revived the whole subways debate on a wing and a prayer with none of the funding “guarantees” he’s so fond of. It’s critical to note the $8.2 billion in transit funding under the Transit City project that Ford summarily, and probably illegally, dismissed as his very first act of destruction at City Hall (but only after voting in favour of it first, of course).

If Stintz is a “roadblock” simply for saying that the city will need more funding, what does that make Rob Ford?

Not that it’ll matter much in the long run, because the results of the various votes on the issue leave even more room for the whole thing to fail. Essentially, Council voted to keep any new taxes out of the equation; even Ford’s latest in a series of attempts at raising taxes was rebuffed. They also voted to make the whole thing hang on the $1.8 billion number that Stintz put forward (I guess that makes them all, including the Fords, “roadblocks”).

So those goals are a bit lofty for starters. But then Council voted on having a funding commitment by September 30th, so far with no business case or any real proposals beyond this (which I tiefed from the National Post):

As you can see, the proposed subway has less than half the stops of the LRT plan with a not-so-small distance between stops on the underground route which would be subject to the same problems that the system has thus far experienced and will continue to be a victim to.

It’s not realistic to believe that the sections of the city where subways will be built won’t be shut down for safety reasons, so in terms of inconvenience, they wouldn’t be any better for pedestrians or commuters. And that will be the situation for about 5 years with the LRT, compared to an optimistic 10 years for subways.

Once built, the LRT will be within walking distance of roughly twice as many people as the nearest subway stop. Yes, there are some perks, such as a larger overall passenger capacity of the subway over light rail, but that won’t become an issue for some time; both systems are expected to be running, at peak times, half to less-than-half empty by 2031.

So no, subways are not the best option given what we know (and have known for some time).

Not that it really matters —  neither the LRT or subways may ever see the light of day. There was, at one time, a viable and ready-to-go plan called Transit City, but before anyone had a chance to stick a shovel in the ground, Rob Ford summarily cancelled it and started in on this insane death spiral that the TTC is now in.

The numbers aren’t adding up, the only plan thus far has consisted of publicly blubbering rhetoric about partnerships, and now we have these extra conditions that imperil even the tenuous and ephemeral concept of subways. And all this just for Scarborough … no discussions about upgrading or maintaining the rest of the system which by 2031, is believed will require passengers to fight to the death for a seat on severely overcrowded and, thanks to Ford, extra pricey trains.

The iconic Honest Ed’s store has been put up for sale.

For many people, the thought of this Bathurst Street mainstay going up for sale is unthinkable, right up there with Sam the Record Man on Yonge Street going out of business. Yet this is the fate that befell the stalwart music dealer, so it’s not impossible that Ed’s 65 years of tradition may also fall to the axe of profit-driven progress.

Judging by the impassioned pace at which the Mirvish family is decimating their father’s legacy, this couldn’t happen any sooner.

Were it most other stores in Toronto, this wouldn’t be quite so tragic, but Ed’s has become a tradition and a bit of a tourist destination, just another one of those things that makes the city unique and worth visiting.

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The tradition of the so-called “right” to be offended by nothing in particular is being continued by the unqualified air-heads of the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition who decided they just couldn’t stand the commentary coming from Councillors Adam Vaughan and Mike Layton.

The TTC were so infuriated, in fact, that they filed official complaints with the office of the Integrity Commissioner which subsequently requested that the two members of Council apologize. Which they did.

So what foul sentiments did these two ne’er-do-wells express?

[City manager] Pennachetti had estimated that the city would get an annual “hosting fee” payment of $111 million to $148 million per year, tens of millions more than others anticipated, in exchange for hosting for a casino downtown. He also said the casino should be far smaller than the province wanted.

Layton (Ward 19, Trinity-Spadina) said Pennachetti’s figures were “fictitious.” Vaughan (Ward 20, Trinity-Spadina) said they were “fantasy numbers” and “ridiculous.”

“The casino is cut in half and the hosting fee is higher. There is nothing real in this report,” Vaughan told CBC.

Leiper said Vaughan was entitled to express his views. But she wrote that “the repeated use of the phrase ‘nothing real’ when applied to the report is an unfair portrayal of the report. So was the use of the word ‘fantasy.’

There are numerous other examples of the Fords’ benevolence and high regard for fellow human beings, which makes the awful, treacherous, evil words that the Councillors chose so much worse. Next they’ll just flaunt breaking the law like it’s going out of style while mockingly claiming that they know nothing about any rules or regulations (or anything about their jobs, for that matter) — can you imagine?!

The trusty Star reports today that Toronto has sunk deeper into debt under Ford:

Over the past two years, the city borrowed $1.5 billion to pay for capital costs — including transit equipment ordered by Ford’s predecessor — and repaid $700 million, thus increasing the debt burden by $800 million.

This doesn’t come as a shock, but it’s important to point out that the brunt of the burden comes from a couple of administrations ago, so it’s entirely fair to say that Ford inherited the problem.

But then he made it worse:

Ford has championed cutting the cost of government, scrapping the $60 vehicle tax shortly after taking office, and holding down increases in property taxes which are traditionally put toward capital costs, along with borrowed funds.

…

In 2011, on Ford’s insistence, the city froze property taxes. The next year he limited the increase to 2.5 per cent, in line with inflation.

About half of the borrowing was to pay for transit infrastructure, such as replacing worn-out vehicles. Other big-ticket infrastructure spending went to areas such as roads, parks and housing.

Have you ever wondered where you can find Toronto’s latte-sipping urban elites? Do you want to know where you can observe the “pinko left-wing kook” in its native habitat?

Well wonder no more!

The Star has graciously mapped it out for you in glorious hipstervision:

I usually walk to and from the office, but yesterday’s touch of rain made me alter my regular plans.

The longest part of the trip was getting out of the subway station, but that might’ve been more tolerable had it not been for the special TTC constables who were not only not attempting to direct the flow of ever-growing foot traffic, but were actually misdirecting people and spreading false stories.

“Union Station is completely shut down, people! Nothing’s running! Nothing! The entire city is shut down, no one has any power, so no one’s going anywhere! Everything’s flooded!”

Luckily the incredulous crowd had their own plans to get to wherever they were going and only wanted facts, which they soon realized they would not get from the “authorities”, each of which had their own version of events.

Even Ford couldn’t help but fan the flames of panic:

“Toronto has persevered; we have weathered the storm,” Ford said, before stressing the need to reduce electricity consumption over the next 24 hours.

“This is crucial that we all reduce our electricity for today to help relieve the strain on our hydro system. We’re hanging on by a thread right now,” he said.

Holy shit! Toronto’s about to go under!

IT’S TIME TO PANIC, PEOPLE!