Greatest of apologies, dear TCL reader, for our unexpected outage over the past few days. I’d accidentally allowed the domain name to lapse, which shouldn’t have been a big issue except … it was! After three “escalations”, four assurances that things were restored (apparently no one checked to see if this was actually true or not), and what I honestly estimate as roughly 8 hours on the phone with multitudes of customer service reps, I finally managed to break through to someone beyond front-line support.

Although I was shitting bricks about the situation, the end result is infinitely better than the whore bitches at 1&1 Internet, a domain registrar I was with previously who quite literally sold another one of my established domains without so much as a peep (and I spent an entire month trying to contact those fuckers, that time well in advance of the expiration).

I’ve worked hard over the past 5 years to build up TCL to where it is today, and the thought of someone stealing it from me was unbearable. Plus there’s the matter of email addresses which, whoever the other domain was sold to, can now abuse and use to hack into any associated accounts I’d neglected to change. Nightmare.

I left 1&1 a long time ago, and I highly suggest that if you have any accounts with them that you move them ASAP. Or you can discover for yourself how little recourse customers have when shit goes south — much like being stuck with Rob Ford for four years.

In any event, thanks to my host for finally getting their shit together, and thank you for your patience!

After everything that happened this week, I’m sure that Newstalk 1010 would’ve had some kick-ass ratings with this Sunday’s “The City”, a.k.a. the RoFoDoFo radio show.

Alas, it seems that is not to be — the Ford brothers have decided to pull the plug, which probably came as unhappy news to Newstalk who were still expecting the show to go ahead as planned. I was certainly looking forward to it, if only to hurl insults at the radio.

The station pointed out that the Ford brothers are still very welcome “as guests”, which suggested that something final was involved behind the scenes. In other words, it’s not looking like the RoFoDoFo Show will be back any time soon :(

Look, Rob, now you’ve gone and made Jim Flaherty cry! ARE YOU HAPPY?!

Many people are suggesting that Fordo’s apology on this past weekend’s RoFoDoFo Show installment didn’t go far enough. I agree, but I’m not so amorphous about it.

Sarah and I tuned in yesterday afternoon and we were surprised to hear what sounded like real remorse in Rob’s voice. If he was faking it, he did a great job. And I accept it — as far as it went — because Robbie was very specific about what he was apologizing for: being plastered at Taste of Danforth this year, and being even more off-the-hook at an earlier St. Patrick’s Day celebration.

More than once, Rob re-iterated that this is specifically what he was apologizing for — make no mistake.

So first off, thank you, Mayor Ford, for what I perceived as genuine contrition and a recognition that being publicly intoxicated is unseemly. Your Freudian but refreshingly honest slip that this “hopefully” won’t happen again was good to hear.  And you know what? Although I don’t recall going to the extent that you did, I admit to having some crazy fun party nights myself so I’m not going to be a dick and hold you to to what your brother calls “lily-white holier-than-thou” standards. It’s true, very few of us are innocent on that end.

I hope that a search through TCL’s archives will reveal that your partying or drug use were never really the issue, though you have to admit that some drugs really do affect the mind more than others, and as someone charged with the health and welfare of millions, I don’t think it’s unrealistic that such things should be considered while holding the office of Mayor.

The real issue  is that you have been and continue to tip-toe around your truthlessness.

Remember the last time people asked you about your drug use back when you were running for mayor?

[Ford] adamantly denied having been charged when first approached by the Sun.

“No to answer your question,” Ford said.

“I’m dead serious. When I say no, I mean never. No question. Now I’m getting offended. No means no.”

But after Ford was provided with details from a Florida state criminal history record obtained by the Sun, he admitted the incident.

“I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it right now,” he said.

I mean, that’s it in a nutshell. Someone challenges you with something, and your first response is to attack them. I’m sure it’d be physical if only it was legal. Often you resort to insults that both you and your brother hurl in equal measure. It’s not inaccurate to say that denial, anger, deflection, and many things un-mayorly — and moreover uncivil — are the product of your natural demeanour.

It isn’t until confronted with irrefutable proof that you finally admit to not being “perfect” and claim to show some contrition which ends up being false.

So in the end, you’re not sorry at all, your apology is a lie, and your original statement is a lie. Liar McLiarPants.

And don’t try to blame the drugs — they might make you feel invincible, carefree, etc., but there are no substances that I’m aware of that make you an incessant liar.

If you recognized these things, the voice acting you do on the air would be genuinely convincing — sounding like you’re sorry, and saying things that indicate the same would really be something.

Actually saying something would also be helpful, because currently you’ve got your brother on LeDrew’s program filling your void and suggesting that you were probably just taking an innocent hour-long stroll from your place to the infamous crack video location and just happened to be accosted by some friendly fellows with whom you posed for one of the “tens of thousands” of photos that you pose for every year.

Or, maybe the other explanation that Councillor Ford is putting forth is that you just happened to be driving in that neighbourhood (or were being driven), and simply popped out for an impromptu, sweatshirted photo op with a bunch of strangers, all of which incidentally happened in front of a famous crack house.

All of the substantiated evidence points to something more and something very obvious, yet here you are still not being terribly forthright. You won’t address anything until, once again, the evidence is too obvious and stark. And then you’ll probably chalk it up to yet another misunderstanding.

Only thing is, we’d all have to be awfully dumb to keep misunderstanding what you’re really doing, Mayor Ford.

Just when you thought that the deluge of crap around CETA had stopped, it turns out that the agreement may be stalled, if at least for a while. But for reasons more troubling than I could’ve ever imagined:

Canada is balking at the inclusion of language in a final text that would refer to the importance of affirming human rights and non-proliferation efforts. The EU insists that all major agreements it negotiates contain language that promotes human rights and fights the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction — and it doesn’t want to make an exception for Canada.

In case you didn’t catch that, Harper’s government is throwing a hissy fit because CETA has a few clauses about human rights and dignity, non-proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, and other such bullshit. Thankfully, some sanity prevails here at home and heroes like Dick Cheney are safe to walk Canadian streets again. Yay!

We recently found out that the lengthy Union Station revitalization project is going to cost more than expected (with additional “future risks” looming).

But it wasn’t really that unexpected. Even back in 2009 when TCL was in its infancy and I hadn’t yet donned my politico cap I already knew that this would happen, as is the case with pretty much anything and everything government does (so, really, a no-brainer deduction there).

Ford did the usual — feign ignorance:

“Everything is on time, everything is on budget, until they run out of time and they run out of budget, and they come with their cap in hand,” said Mr. Ford. “We got to change something on preliminary planning, someone is dropping the ball. You just can’t ask for $80-million without someone dropping the ball.”

Yet others at City Hall assured us that no new taxes will be needed to make up for the $80 mill shortfall:

The staff report predicts that the city will be able to rake in more money than expected, mainly by hiking commercial rents in the retail area. That extra $98-million is more than enough to pay off the debt taken on for the additional costs, the report states. The city will, however, have to draw $20-million from reserves. The report recommends referring consideration of the new financial plan to the 2014 budget debate, and also asks for permission to amend certain contracts and retainers.

“It’s not going to cost taxpayers more money, which is the important thing,” said Councillor David Shiner, who chairs the government management committee. He noted that the rent revenue stream is expected to result in a $115-million contribution to a Union Station reserve fund once the debt is paid off, in 30 years.

Ah, the old we’ll-just-raise-the-rent-after-they’ve-moved-in routine — clever marketing! But, and I will gladly put this on the record again, it won’t turn out that way. More cost over-runs and “complications” are going to come, more “outraged” politicians will vow to “get to the bottom of things” without any real choice except to keep forking over the cash until the job is done, and so on.

We’ll see where we are in another four years, but I know where I’m placing my bets.

An excerpt from a recent Cracked magazine:

Robbie talking to Norm Kelly during this year’s TIFF:

Robbie answering questions directly and honestly:

A clip that never gets old:

Honest signage:

On oldie-but-a-goodie:

An uncanny likeness:

…and another portrayal by artist Mike Geiger:

Finally, just so it’s not all the disturbingly laughable Rob Ford, a random street altercation on Spadina:

This, Scarberians, is the brilliant Rob Fod who you allowed to get a hold of your money in order to build his vision of “subways”. Based on the video above, that will probably consist of some species of affordable unicorn covered in some manner of budget-conscious fairy dust that delivers crack cocaine to your front door, all paid for with magical gypsy gold and children’s dreams (that’s tax / fee / rent paying children, of course). This is the guy you handed the decision process to, allowing him to waste and squander what is now approaching a hundred million dollars while repeatedly “explaining” (Ford speak for “lie”), about how he’s actually saving a billion “dollars”.

The best part is how, throughout the entire process, Rob Ford kept all of his promises. Like his constantly-“guaranteed” no tax hikes, or the fact that he has managed to do everything he said he would with no service cuts, just as he promised. And above all that, I admire how honest and forthright Rob Ford and his brother have been with everyone about everything.

Then I recall how this man has given all of Toronto a heartwarming 30-year gift, his carefree attitude to anything and everything else having to do with transit, and his ability to maximize the time and money spent on a project while minimizing its value, and I am left in utter awe and amazement.

Boy, Scarborough, you really done good!

If, for some bizarre reason, you happen to read this blog and you’re a Ford supporter, first off, kudos for making it this far without losing your shit (or at least keeping it out of my face). Second, I’m going to propose that we have something in common.

I’m totally serious.

Assuming that the Ontario Press Council had ruled against the Toronto Star, and the Globe and Mail, etc., would you agree that the Council should have some real teeth to go after infractions? Maybe monetary penalties? Maybe something tougher? Well me too.

Oh, I think the ruling was right on, and I would’ve been surprised at anything else. But I would want these oversight agencies, while being diligently transparent, to have the power to affect and mandate some actual change. Change like holding Ford to account, for starters.

We don’t have to get all medieval on anyone’s ass, just get a little closer to what they do in the private sector, as Ford and friends so wisely suggest.

The sieve that is Rob Ford’s administration continues to leak the vital fluids of the municipal body of City Hall consisting of staff and fellow councillors. Yes, the analogy is as lousy as Ford’s retention rate.

I’ve lost count as to how many people have decided to stand up against Ford’s petty tyranny, but this time around it’s councillor Paul Ainslie jumping ship from Ford’s executive committee, saying that the blubbery one bullied him and other councillors into making ass-backwards, idiotic decisions based on fantasy, bluster, and lies (a.k.a. Ford “logic”).

The back-breaking final straw came with Ford’s bull-headed insistence on subways for Scarborough, now enacted and thereby sealing the fate of that whole part of the city for decades.

“I think it’s irresponsible of me to go to taxpayers and say ‘here’s a basically free LRT being given to you’ or ‘you can spend a billion plus dollars on a subway that’s going to take 10 or 20 years to build,’” he said. “I don’t think there’s enough planning from the mayor’s office on how to ease gridlock in this city, or public transportation, or just getting people to work.”

Complete lack of planning, entirely made-up facts and arguments, lies, name-calling, law breaking, denigration and attacks and finger-pointing: all in a typical day for Rob Ford and his brother.

Ensuring that his ignorance was on full display, Robbie followed up the vote by saying that downtowners have enough subways and there’s just no reason why anything needs to be done to accommodate an influx of extra commuters (you know, with these new subway lines that he pushed through), into an already at-capacity system.

But Rob Ford, being justifiably emboldened, decided to take it one step further, once again breaching a bunch of laws in the process (he’s already been openly and illegally campaigning for over a year), and following his buddy Stephen Harper’s cue in placing automated calls (a.k.a. robocalls) to Scarborough residents specifically to rat out Ainslie as the only person to vote against subways (and for LRTs).

Of course, the bloated one didn’t bother to mention how he personally voted to increase Scarberians’ property taxes to pay for his bullheaded project, after years of screaming about the evils of any new tax hikes, etc. etc. — directly contrary to his campaign promise, and everything he’s claimed up until very recently. Ford is so dishonest that he managed to flip flop four times on a single motion — actually voting against himself!

This comes shortly on the heels of more political hypocrisy (laced with heaping dollops of ignorance), from the Fords as they rejected a Toronto memorial for Pierre Elliott Trudeau.

Asked about why he supported honouring late NDP leader Jack Layton with a statue on the waterfront, Ford said, “Mr. Layton did a tremendous amount for the city. Pierre Trudeau did not.”

That’s the hypocrisy part…

Contrary to Ford’s assertion, Councillor Peter Milczyn, who seconded the motion, said Trudeau made a significant contribution to Toronto with the creation of Harbourfront Corp. in 1972, which “started opening up the water’s edge.”

“He is one of the great prime ministers the country had; the father of our Constitution and Charter of Rights,” Milczyn said. “He is a person that a lot of people look up to and admire. So I think it’s reasonable that in Canada’s biggest city we would have some kind of commemoration of him.”

He was not surprised that the Ford brothers reject the idea.

“If people want to be hyperpartisan here, they can answer for it,” he said.

For his part, Doug Ford chided Milczyn as he passed him on press row, joking that “he would name his ward after Trudeau if he could.”