It’s been about 6 months now and Rob Ford has not yet responded to allegations that he’s taken control of City of Toronto correspondence by updating the wording at the bottom of City Hall press releases to make Toronto seem like a vigorous young suburb rather than the place you’d want to come to.

Under Miller

• Toronto is Canada’s largest city and sixth largest government, and home to a diverse population of about 2.6 million people. It is the economic engine of Canada and one of the greenest and most creative cities in North America. Toronto has won numerous awards for quality, innovation and efficiency in delivering public services. Toronto’s government is dedicated to prosperity, opportunity and liveability for all its residents. For information about non-emergency City services and programs, Toronto residents, businesses and visitors can dial 311, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

He did manage to kill the bike lockers, so that probably left old Robbie emboldened to try yet another City Hall renovation change. This time around he wanted to make the pool in front of City Hall a wading pool. But that didn’t entirely go over.

On the bright side, Rob called yesterday’s TTC transit debate defeat (or almost) “one of the greatest days in Toronto history”. A city stuck in gridlock, a fool for a mayor, and no way to fund transit — that’s a grand day indeed!

You know how it is … you’re strolling down the street thinking to yourself, “you know, it’d be nice to have a massive, fatal coronary right here and now”. Except every time you’ve tried that, those damn EMS people come by and resuscitate you.

Well, you’ll be pleased to know that the Toronto Star has put out a handy-dandy guide to the best spots to kick off in such a manner. And wouldn’t you know it, the place to be is in my old neighbourhood; what what!!

In response to Karen Stintz’ accusation that Rob Ford ain’t doing his job, his office sent back a tersely worded response:

“There is no lack of leadership from the Mayor.”

Not what Stintz said, but given the collective capacity for comprehension behind Ford Nation, let’s just say close enough.

Except that Ford did’t write or send the response, he got one of his lackeys (George Christopoulos), to do it. In fact, there’s no indication that Rob Ford was involved in anything to do with the situation.

To be fair, he was probably busy clearing his schedule in order to personally respond to each constituent’s phone call (as every mayor of every large metropolitan area should) — a conservative estimate of 300,000 calls a year, or 820 calls per day — and delegated this lowly task to Christopoulos. Or maybe he was coaching football. Whatever. Clearly Ford showed leadership and world-class initiative, and got right out in front of the issue.

On Newstalk 1010’s RoDoFo (Rob/Doug/Ford), radio show on Sunday afternoon, Rob said he’d like to see more women in politics, and if any of yous dames out there are interested, to call him at home or meet him over coffee and he’ll tell you all about how City Hall works.

Yes, the man who repeatedly admitted he doesn’t know how to do his job is going to tell you all about how to do his job.

Don’t worry, those allegations of him beating his wife a few years back were never proven, I’m pretty sure he’s over grabbing women’s asses by now, and the fact that women are leaving his own hand-picked executive committee left right and centre shouldn’t be read into too deeply.

Just imagine the kind of intellectual treasure trove you’ll be able to tap into!

Remember all the screaming Rob Ford did about respecting taxpayers, demanding open and transparent government?

Yeah, the same “respect for taxpayers” that has Rob Ford continuously covering up his budgets, his meetings, his schedule, and basically anything else having to do with his job. Well, you gotta give it to the man, he’s consistent in his bullshit.

Take yesterday, for example, in a photo op with Pan Am Games organizers. That event was marked by an abject refusal of the Pan Am people to say how much they’re going to spend on a mascot; one of those shining examples of potentially massive waste and secrecy that Ford vowed to fight tirelessly against.

So how is Rob Ford fighting this “gravy”? He shook hands with the organizers for the cameras and walked away without uttering a word or showing a shred of concern.

Let’s be fair here: maybe Rob’s control over the situation is very limited. Maybe the Pan Am Games group is separate from City Hall administration and mostly out of Ford’s hands. That would certainly help to explain Rob’s impotence, but it proves directly how two-faced the mayor is about his outrage for  secret deals and unaccountable government. The guy couldn’t even be bothered to raise an eyebrow.

I’m thinking that a book of such events would now have enough material to fill more than a few pages; something with a title along the lines of, “Heritage of Hypocrisy and Lies: The Ford Years”

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In a muted, almost non-existent news item in the Star yesterday, it was revealed that Rob Ford, in similar fashion, handed over a cheque for $400 to compensate the city for his use of city property. In other words, Ford tacitly admitted to improperly using city resources for his football foundation.

When it was first suggested to Ford that this is exactly what he was doing, he replied with, “The car that I paid for, right? Do your homework. I paid for it last year.”

Sure you did, Robbie — that’s why you paid for it again this year, right? Does your idiot Ford Nation also willingly pay twice for stuff that they claimed they didn’t have to pay for at all? Any more intelligence or “honesty” you want to share with us?

Of course, defending Ford in court against all comers is what Alan Lenczner does, so the fact that he’s still going to bat for Rob Ford and trying to prevent a re-opening of the successful appeal that got the mayor off of his conflict of interest charge shouldn’t come as a great surprise.

Lenczer’s ongoing defense of Ford is so expected that I wouldn’t even have mentioned it, except for the fact that the lawyer decided to put forth his reasoning for not holding public officials to account:

On the issue of national importance [required for the case to be heard by the Supreme Court], Lenczner said it was “incomprehensible” that Ford’s lawsuit be lumped in with cases like that of contractor “Monsieur Troittoir” in Montreal, or to members of the Senate in Canada.

“The allegations in Montreal are of conspiracy, bribery and corruption. The allegations against certain members of the Senate are of claiming reimbursement for improper expenses. In this case… (Justice Charles Hackland found) ‘there was absolutely no corruption or pecuniary gain on the respondent’s part.’”

So much so, in fact, that he’s going to make it an election issue — unions (that support a casino) are awesome!

Doug Ford says he regrets hiring Karen Stintz for the TTC chair role:

… the biggest mistake we ever did was put her in the TTC.

We? You mean the royal “we”, as in “we, the Most Gracious and Fecund Robert Bruce Ford, do thus proclaim!”? Maybe “we” as in Rob Ford ain’t runnin’ shit?

I don’t like the sound of either.

Option one, that’s just a living nightmare. Perish the thought.

Option two, that’s a hand up the ass, meaning there’s a not-so-secret shadow government trying to run things. The man with the brownest hand, at least to the public, is Rob’s own brother. Gross.